Really corny and/or sappy

My love cannot be quantified,
My love cannot be verified.

I love you without judgment,
I love you without condition.

I love you simply.

Another lonely Christmas but not so much

During this holiday season, the Mrs. and I took the time to do some visiting. To hear her tell it she convinced me to take three weeks off for a road trip. Actually, one of those weeks I had off anyway so it was really only two weeks. Well, as is my way I was reluctant to go but overall, this has been a good trip. We saw some friends from graduate school who live in Mississippi, we told them not to move there but there are doing well. We visited family in Augusta, GA and had a very pleasurable time. Evidently, if you buy your wine by the case it is cheaper but that still means you are a buying a case of wine for one person. If the wine shop owners, pull out a cart and shop for you, you buy a lot of wine.

From there we went to my father's house. Sometimes I slip and call it my parents' house but according to the bank it is my father's house. It was pretty enjoyable. As always, we reminisce about my mother and funny times. We learned more about his father (my grandfather) and a little more about my mother's father (my other grandfather). We made a bunch of phone calls on Christmas but the best part about Christmas was sitting around and talking for hours in the living room in our pajamas. I love pajamas. Anyway, it was really nice. It felt very adult and sedate. If our plans go well in 2011, it will be the last time we are able to do that for many years to come.

To 2011, I say watch out. You will see me tidy up my office, re-pot my plants, and complete a triathlon, among other things.

Jesus died to take away our sins, not our minds

During the sermon on October 17, 2010, the priest stated the following "...And remember, Jesus died to take away our sins, not our minds". I think that is pretty cool. I wish we all remembered that. I am a Christian and I believe the following:

1. Evolution is a scientific explanation of how God created the universe. They are not mutually exclusive.
2. The first scientists were clerics so there is no science without religion.
3. Homosexuals should be allowed to marry whomever they want if they want.
4. I do not understand how people can argue for Creationism or intelligent design and then argue that homosexuality is not natural. That one really confuses me. Either God created everything through a plan or God did not.
5. Not a surprise, but I believe homosexuality is natural.
6. Not really related to religion, but all straight guys should be happy there are homosexual guys. Less competition. Duh.
7. The sex of God is really not important.
8. Jesus could have been married or been dating Mary Magdalene. Would it make his works any less important or impressive?
9. There is an attack on Christianity in this country. The attack is by other Christians.
10. I long ago stopped trying to figure out God's plan and started working on my plan. I am pretty sure I have way more control over my plan. Free will and all.
11. I love liturgy and order in my religion. I especially love church being done within an hour and a half with coffee hour included.
    

Why can't I own a Canadian?

This is not my post but it is so great I am posting it to my blog. Enjoy.

------------
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,
and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
Canadian)

Watching USA: Characters Welcome

I am at a loss for a good topic. I was watching a show called 'Royal Pains' on the USA Network. One of the characters, who is Indian, said to another woman that she and her betrothed would not have sex until they were married. Another character said that it was important to test things out before they were married.

I found this kind of odd. I think there are lots of reasons to have sex with someone but just to test it out is not one of them. I have said to friends and acquaintances alike that I think people who are thinking about entering in a emotional and physical relationship should discuss sex but they do not need to have sex. When I say this, I get varied reactions. One thing that is more consistent than I thought is that many women say that they would not date a guy who is a virgin. Another thing is that a number of the people I have spoken with say that they would never marry someone without having sex with them first. I know I have been married a while and together with the same woman for a while longer, but if I were with someone who was saving themselves for marriage, I doubt I would end the relationship, even at my age. Just because you have had sex, even many times, does not mean you are good at it or if you have not that you are not good at it. Sex with the right person(s) can be good in very different ways at different times. Good sex at 25 may be very different than good sex at 45. Your needs change, your wants change, and your comfort changes. At 25, you might want to hang from the rafters, after living and going through some stuff you might want to forgo the acrobatics and opt for the passion of closeness and comfort.

Here is something to consider, I have rarely heard someone who is currently married say that having sex with your betrothed before marriage is very important. More often than not, those people say it is important to be content with yourself.

Taking the plunge aka By your side

"There are times when you need someone, I will be by your side...".

The quote above is from a song called "The Light" by Common. Detroit-based singer Dwele also uses it in one of his songs. Funny thing about this statement. It could have biblical/religious roots, it could be one friend to another, a parent to a child, or one lover to another.

Just go with me on this.

I am completing my application for a sexual certificate program at the University of Michigan. This has caused or brought up many issues for me, to say the least. At times, this has been a triumphant experience and, at times, this has been a nerve-racking experience. That said, not much in my life has changed outside of not getting nearly (not even close) enough sleep. I really should be getting a minimum eight hours, normally I get six to seven, and recently, it is more like three to five. The lack of sleep has caused some issues as well. Again, you have no idea. I am bursting with anticipation and being ripped apart by anxiety. Not so surprisingly, they feel eerily similar to one another. Logical arguments provide little comfort and my routines have been interrupted, so they are able to provide little comfort. Two days of PowerPoint training, what was I thinking? Anyway, for me, part of the significance of the line is that sometimes you have to lean a little on people. Not to take advantage but just to get your balance once in a while. This can prove difficult if you never let people know you need a hand. I am reminded by a recent event where I was dying to just hang out but I never explicitly asked. I just jokingly mentioned and made my normal "we should hang out sometime" comments. I would like to say that this will never happen again but I cannot. I can say that I would rather try, I think :), than just let things linger.

"There are times when you need someone, I will be by your side..."

The greatest commandment

"Love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD" (Leviticus 19:18).

I have been thinking about this a great deal recently. For many of us, the statement known by some as the greatest commandment is very appropriate because we value ourselves. However, I am increasingly finding people for whom the commandment should be "Love thyself as your neighbor".

I have been ruminating on variations of this statement. As it applies to me, it might read "Give thyself a break: I am the LORD". One, it would be really cool to see this in the bible it speaks to a God that values the genuine above the formal. I believe that God does value the genuine over the formal. The statement is "Come to me all ye who are heavy laden and I will refresh you" not "... and I will refresh you but only if you have the proper attire". God and belief is not a nightclub for the "grown and sexy", it is a belief structure.

I see a number of people who, like me at times, are much harder on themselves than they would ever be on someone else. To a certain extent, that is a good way to operate. Never judge anyone harsher than you would judge yourself. Remember, we all have failings and idiosyncrasies so judging others harshly reveals as much about your insecurities as it does about your opinion of the actions or words of another. That being said, there are some really good people who believe that they must be perfect and accept far less from others. Perfection should be a goal that is never attained if nothing else, to keep us motivated and/or humble.

An important thing about perfection is that it is subjective. A perfect day for me might be an okay day for some and a boring day for others. I think dark chocolate pots de creme is one of God's perfect confections and surely there must be some poor wayward soul who disagrees. Even within a lifetime you may find two perfect loves and they might be very different but perfection is based on the situation. A perfect love at 25 might be very different from a perfect love at 65. At 25 one aspect of some one's perfection might be that we share many of the same hobbies where at 65 shared hobbies might not be so important because I have amassed tons of people who share my hobbies but I need someone to share my couch and cuddle. For the record, the greatness of cuddling can be enjoyed by young and old alike. In fact, if it were not for my personal issues with anxiety about touching, I would hug all my friends and many co-workers.

This is a rambling message but the core message is give yourself a break because you are not perfect but you are pretty darn fantastic in my eyes. If within 30 seconds of reading my last statement you thought of ways in which you are not, then I am definitely talking to you. Humility is not denying your gifts and accomplishments but instead recognizing that your gifts and accomplishments are not yours alone and therefore, you should be thankful and wish to use them to better others.

So close yet so far away

Recently on Facebook, I have received friend requests from buxom 20-something women. What is this about? I spend a fair amount of time looking as hokey as possible and this happens. First off, for whatever reason, this is far more scary than intriguing. I do not like people. I like certain controlled environments. When I feel like I have less control in one area, I tend to build physical walls and barriers through paper and clothing. (This is the reason by the state of my office at work. Sad but true.) When people I do not know try to friend me, I feel like there is less control. I do not like that. I personally find it odd that I am laid back and a control freak all at the same time.

Here is the crazy thing though. I have a problem saying no so I harbor some fear about hurting the feelings of someone who blind-friended me. When did 'friend' become a verb anyway?

It is funny. I was a contingency planner before my mother's death and her death only has strengthened my need for emotional contingency plans. These are not plans on how to deal with financial or tangible matters but instead how to deal with my emotions about events. I recently pondered my DINC (dual income no children) status. We have some things to work on but I realized how awful it would be if something happened to the Mrs. and I had to raise a child alone. I think I could do it but it scares me to death. I am nuts. I want my child to develop his or her own brand of crazy not just inherit mine because I am the only consistent influence.

In three months I will be 36 years old and in some ways I am still asking or not asking for permission and just wishing for things. I need the weather to warm up soon so I can start running and riding outside and not have to deal with my emotions.

236? What?

So, I came home today and the Mrs. looks at me and implores me to lose weight. I say to her that no I am fine. She says that I need to eat better and that I have gained weight, she can see it in my face. She even pinches my cheeks. I am sure she is wrong but on the off chance she is right. I can always eat better so why argue. A little bit later, I sneak off to the scale. I gained ten pounds since I last weighed myself.

1. I hate being wrong.
2. I hate her being so right about my weight.
3. I hate having gained so much weight in such a short amount of time.

Well, now I have to eat better, get back to running, and get out on the road on my bicycle. This is insane. You could add 200 to my age and my weight would still be more. On up side, I can lose weight by running, eating better, cycling, and learning to swim. I have avenues but I have got to it.

From now on, I shall go by Tubby. :)

Mystery solved

So, 2010 is my year of pushing myself some more. I was talking to my friend Sandra and we were discussing how I push myself and other intricacies of my makeup. Well, I realized that I do not like to impose on others and I am still working on this human thing. Hugs confuse me a bit. Not so much the mechanics, I understand the how, you know when approached reach arms out, touch the back of the other person, and close distance between me and the other person while securing said person in arms. The hugs vary based on the relationship between the two people. I am confused about the appropriate moments of hugging. I would love to be the gregarious, warm person but I am more the intellectually warm but physically distant person with hopefully, a warm smile.

Last night, I ran into an issue that happens less frequently but is even more distressing, the cheek kiss. I only hug my friends and only kiss my wife even on the cheek. Occasionally, women kiss me on the cheek but I rarely kiss back and I never initiate the kiss. The cheek kiss is nice and pleasant. I think I got it right last night but it was still weird. I worried that I would miss the cheek and kiss the person on the lips. In hindsight, I do think it would have been bad just a little funny but in the moment the idea was a bit terrifying. I do not want people thinking I, a married man, am coming on to a married woman and a friend at that. There is probably more to it than that but who knows.

Anyway, tomorrow is mother's 65th birthday. I was feeling kind of down as the day progressed and then I realized that the eleventh was approaching and I was no longer confused as to the source of my sadness. If I had been thinking it through, I probably would have taken the day off tomorrow but I have lots to do at work. I miss my mom everyday and it would have been cool to share her 65th birthday with her. She would have exceeded her life expectancy by 30 years but it was not to be. Still, I choose to celebrate her life more than mourn her death or loss. I learned many lessons from her and inherited many traits. Since her death, I have explored my artistic side more and I have taken some steps to live my life less passively. I always have more to learn but I have a good foundation provided by my parents and that goes a long way.

I am not sure what to think (a rambling mess of thoughts)

Initially, upon reading the story about a California judge rejecting a petition by an AIDS advocacy group to mandate professional pornography studios to use condoms, I was greatly distressed. (Read the story for yourself.)

As a proponent of mandatory condom use for anyone in any profession who is not in a sexually monogamous relationship, I felt like the judge was not valuing the health and well-being of the participants in those movies. Part of freedom is the right to be an idiot and do stupid things, so as an individual you want to engage in self-destructive behavior then you have every right to do so. However, if I make money off you engaging in self-destructive behavior and provide the environment and encourage (in some cases, coerce through greater monetary reward) such behavior then I have a responsibility to limit your risk.

Some online statistics, that I have not verified, state the following:

"The pornography industry brings in more revenue than the combined revenue of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises. US pornography revenue exceeds the combined revenues of television networks ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion), and child pornography generates $3 billion annually."

I felt that for all the money being made, the least that could be done would be to protect the well-being of the actors and actresses. The average career length of an actress in pornography is 18 months, at least that was the number in 2005. Eighteen months of work should not be allowed to have such an adverse effect on one's health for life.

All of this was before I read the whole story. I knew that the Adult Industry Medical (AIM) Healthcare Foundation requires industry-wide testing of performers every 30 days. I knew that gay porn has even more stringent self-imposed standards. I think condoms should be required but like many things involving the legal system, the actual petition may not be the best course of action. The AIDS advocacy group did not sue the studios, they sued LA county for not enforcing a statute that may or may not actually be able to be enforced in that way. I do like that the group has vowed not to give up and will try to work both inside and outside the industry to achieve their goal.

I recall from reading a book containing interviews with actors and actresses in porn that they believe that the public does not want to see condom use. I remember reading some other survey or something that supports that claim. I believe that the consumer would still buy the product though. According to industry reports, the top selling company requires condom use and has gained in market share so it would seem that any business would want to protect its money makers.

I liken the way our society treats pornographic actresses and actors to how we treat football players. Tons of people watch both and want to share in their exploits but at the same time feel that they are smarter, more valuable, or of higher character than the performers. Part of this may be due to the fact that both porn performers and football players are valued for their physical prowess and abilities as opposed to their mental abilities. However, most of us are not valued for our mental abilities. Very few of us get paid to think without the expectation of a tangible end product. In most cases, the end product requires some physical exertion whether it be typing or running. Professors have to publish or parish, data processors have to convert and release studies, bakers have to have tasty baked goods, and doctors have to cure and/or treat illnesses. Even clerics have to show that their flock is progressing and that the houses of worship are sustainable.

This is not a nice well thought group of conclusions but here they are:

1) Condoms should be used in pornography. They now make clear latex condoms and I am pretty sure the average viewer will not be greatly turned off by their presence.

2) The state of porn has already changed with the advent of consumer available HD-recording and the internet. An increase of images of people of all types engaging in sex, particularly in committed loving relationships might be the next big market and would probably do our society some good.

3) I either need a new hobby or become a porn activist or lobbyist.

4) If you make a video you having sex with someone and someone breaks into your house and steals it. The shame should go to the thief not the people who made the video. The two people made the video so they could watch themselves, the thief stole and put in on the web.

If anyone reads this and has more opinions, I would love to hear them because I am still working on this.

I blog ergo I have nothing better to do

It has been a while since I last blogged. Focusing on one particular issue and then remembering it once I get out of the shower has been a little difficult lately. That being said, I will review my 2009.

It started with the funeral of my godmother and ended with the funeral of the mother of one of our friends. Oddly, both succumbed to cancer. In between January and December, we bought our first house and we even moved into it. I met a new friend who helps me sort out some things.

So far, I have found out that I do not have to observe life but I can participate. The problem is that I like observing. People are fascinating. They do all sorts of things for both good and bad reasons. I am fascinated by the Tiger Woods situation but it obviously has absolutely no relevance to my life. I feel for both Tiger and his wife Elin. I think, based on the facts coming out, he really never should have entered into a monogamous arrangement. His situation to me at least, parallels the situation of many people in that he was trying to live up to societal expectations or norms even though he must have known that for whatever reason he was either unable or unwilling to follow those norms. Like I said, I am fascinated by the situation but saddened by the emotional turmoil they are going through and the need for us as a society to feel disappointment in him and as opposed to compassion for them.