Thanksgiving

Just a few hours ago, Thanksgiving 2009 ended on the East Coast of the United States. I cooked a turkey breast and made dinner and was thankful I was able to facilitate my wife resting today.

I received and sent text messages to friends and I was thankful that I have friends that I am willing to text. This sounds simple but the idea that I would be bothering them and they would not want to hear from me has a strong hold with me.

I am thankful for blogging. For some reason, despite my desire to guard myself, writing my innermost feelings and putting them on the web makes me feel good. Go figure. I call it the boiling over effect. When you try to contain yourself all the time, at some point one of the walls will break.

I am thankful for the people with whom I work. I work with some talented and caring people who want to do a good job and want to find a balance in their lives.

I have been blessed to befriend some people that I truly love over the years. I do not give hugs very often but if looks could hug then I would forever be in someone's embrace.

I am thankful for family that take my call even when I have not called in a while.

I am thankful for the Sandra's of the world.

There are people who 'get' or 'got' me; there are people who did not 'get me' but accept me; and there are people who just love me. The saying goes "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". I agree with that. My question to neighbor Jesus is why is it so hard to tell someone you love them? Why is it so confusing to love someone? Why is it that when we talk about love many times we are only talking about romantic love? Romantic love is not even singular love but a faceted love yet we talk about it like we all experience it the same way. We talk about falling out of and in love but I do not think I have ever really fallen out of love. My love changes but at a core level I still love all the people I have loved.

I am thankful for hard times and good times because hard times and remembering them make the good times something to cherish all the more.

I am thankful for introspection and inquisitiveness. I am both introspective and inquisitive why not be happy about it.

I am thankful for laughter. I love laughter and I love watching people laugh.

I am thankful for everything I forgot to be thankful for in this post.

Motivated by thoughts of sitting next to Jesus

This is an odd direction to go with this but one of the reasons I do not believe in the death penalty is redemption and another reason is two wrongs do not make a right. I believe that there are those criminals who really should be permanently removed from society via incarceration but not from the planet at least by the hand of justice. One of the arguments I have heard is "...how would you feel if someone killed or brutalized a loved one?". Well, if that happened I would want retribution but that is precisely why I as the aggrieved should not decide the punishment. Pain will cause the best of us to do things far beyond what we ever could imagine. In some cases, going beyond results in saving a life, our own or someone else's. In other cases, we may exact a suitable revenge.

In some ways, I pretend to follow moral relativity but in reality most issues of morality are clear cut. Lying even to spare someone's feelings feels wrong but so does hurting someone's feelings. I believe that infidelity is wrong even in a "loveless" or probably more appropriate broken beyond repair marriage or relationship. I think killing is wrong. I think as humans our core knows it is wrong even when "justified". I cannot imagine taking the life of another however, I do fear being angry enough to do so. I feel that if my family were threatened I might be possible of such things and just that thought alone scares me. I admire strength in all its forms will, body, mind, etc. I love displays of strength. I like to watch strongest man competitions on ESPN or bodybuilding or weight lifting. I rarely satisfied with my own physical strength I like to push myself. I do not admire the strength or will to kill. I think for average humans it takes a lot to kill but I think it can take even more to spare or save someone. I am drawn to superheroes more because they have the will to act and put themselves in harm's way for the sake others far more than their superhuman abilities.

What if Jesus were next to me

In a wonderful blog post by a blogger I admire, a sermon that put forth the idea of how would we behave if Jesus were sitting next to us was brought up. The author brought many good points which were particularly relevant given that it was Thanksgiving and thus signified the start of cut throat Christmas shopping. When I first thought about Jesus sitting next to me, I cringed. I realized I would curse far less, hopefully help my fellow human more, tell those I love that I loved them no matter how I loved them, and generally, really try to live up to loving my neighbor as I loved myself.

After further thought, I hoped to love my neighbor better than I love myself. I want my neighbor to never know a day of sadness or doubt. I want my neighbor to have strength of conviction and I would hope to encourage my neighbor everyday to make the most of gifts bestowed upon her or him. My love for myself is conditional I hope my love for my neighbor to be less so. People will anger us or hurt us but we really should never stop loving anyone at least on general human level.

I thought about it some more and then I became excited. Think about it Jesus is next to you. You could ask Jesus, so "How is your father doing? Does he need anything?... No, not Joseph the other one but since you bring it up how is Joseph?" I wonder if I would hug more people if Jesus were next to me. I wonder if I would tell Jesus I was scared or worried or whatever. I wonder if Jesus would confide in me. I think Jesus would be laid back and unassuming yet resolute in action and belief. Like the author of the blog, I come from a tradition of a benevolent, teaching God who like a loving parent felt sorrow when or if punitive measures had to be taken. Maybe I would not hug others more but hopefully I would hug Jesus. I think Jesus might be hopeful but at times sad at what we have become. I would hope I could be a friend to Jesus, help him move, invite him over for dinner, help him paint, etc. To paraphrase Prince, not because he needed it but because those are things that being a friend are about. I would hope that if Jesus were next to me, I would make the main thing in my life love and to quote another friend "...keep the main thing the main thing".

Funny thing is that Jesus, given all that he is and can do, might be next to me now. Funny thing is that most of the time I think about love but unfortunately, I also think about sorrow and loss of love. I wonder how much I would really change if Jesus were next to me even if I knew it. The doubt that I would change makes me sad and brings home the idea that I really should love me and my neighbor just a little bit more.

Odd coincidence

We recently bought a condo. Just out of curiosity, I wanted to find out more about the previous owner. I know he died so I wondered if there was anything online like an obituary. Well, I looked him up and there was a whole site dedicated to him. He was 85 when he died but what struck me was the day he died was January 11th. This date is special to me because that is my mom's birthday and anyone reading this probably knows that my mom died in 2008. I just found it really odd that the man whose condo we bought at a great price died on my mother's birthday. No cause and effect, no twilight zone, just odd.

Neat article on shame and should

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Crotch rocket??!!

1) "Hide the salami". This is an odd euphemism for sex. Have you seen salami? Would you want that compared to you? Think liver spots.

2) Over the urinal at the Arbor Brewing Company, there is a Bally health club advertisement that says "With a smaller gut, everything looks bigger". This is quite a sign to be above a urinal.

3) Is there ever such a thing as a little group sex?

4) For proper denial you need something, normally an activity, to channel the energy/feelings you are not addressing. In general, these activities are called vices, some good and some not so good. Without a proper vice, denial is pretty pointless. :)

Since I last wrote, I have participated in a triathlon with guys from work, we bought a house (condo), we moved in to said condo, my sister-in-law had a baby girl, our friends announced that they were pregnant, and... I have issues. Oh boy, do I have issues. We like our condo. We should unpack by this time 2010. Then, we will have people over for a dinner party to discuss topics over a good meal and drinks.

In mid-August, I went to San Francisco. While there I went to one of the premier sex toy shops in the country. It was like going to the Apple store except with a different product. They even had demos for people to see test out (on their hands) the various products. I bought a t-shirt that says "Where do you get off" the other choice was "The Right Tool for the Job". I went with the "Where do you get off" shirt because a man wearing the other shirt just seems crass. Oddly enough, this was one of my dreams and I accomplished it. I have the pictures to prove it. If I ran a sex shop this is what I would want it to be like. I would make sure I hired a broad spectrum of people varying in age, sexual orientation, sex, ethnicity and race. We would do education and demos. It was great. I even experienced a sales person talking with a customer who was trying to decide which vibrator to buy. It was great. The salesperson talked about the two possible choices like she was comparing the IPod Touch to the IPod Classic. It was my moment of heaven. Obviously, the customer was a hobbyist and not a distributor.

Just as a side note, on another night I said crotch rocket in front of child whose eyes got so big I thought they would pop out of his head. His mother could not stop laughing.

A few weeks ago, my friends Jamie and Liz came in to town. Jamie ran the Coolest Race in Michigan (CRIM). They made time to see us even though they were exhausted. It was great seeing them. Even though it was a short visit, it was very fun I love their stories and their sense of humor.

More race, race, and more race

The other thing that brought race to the forefront of the national psyche was just not-ready-for-prime time politics. A US representative in talking about his opposition to a health care reform proposal was trying to discuss the issue of federal funding being used for abortions. In making a point, he used Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and President Barack Obama as examples. Basically, he said if abortions were publicly funded decades ago would "...the great minds of Thomas and Obama been aborted?". The common factor between Obama and Thomas is that they are both Black men. If you hear the representative's whole speech he actually talks highly of both men and admires their intelligence but he did not use his own intelligence in making his point. In a matter of seconds, he killed any aspirations he might have had for a presidential run in 2012 and maybe 2016.

If you think about it, this covers the options of Black women and White women but it still sounds bad. I know he wishes Governor Sanford would hold another press conference. :)

Race, race, and more race

Recently, there have been two big incidents that have dealt with race (ethnicity not Tour de France). Speaking of the Tour de France, I was really pulling for Roger Hincapie to take the lead for a day. After riding 63 miles, I have a new found appreciation for the Tour de France riders.

Last week, a prominent Harvard professor, Henry Louis Gates, Jr., a Black man, was arrested in his home for disorderly conduct after being questioned by a town police officer about his presence in the home. To review, around noon he and his driver were trying to get into his house. A passerby called the police. After Gates, got in the house through the backdoor he and his driver attempted to get the front door to open because it sticks. While they were trying to get the front door open, a police officer arrived at the house. Both parties agree that the police officer stated that he was investigating an attempted break-in and asked Gates to identify himself. Gates identified himself and showed both state and Harvard ID. Both forms of identification had his picture and name. The state-issued driver's license had the address of the house on it. The police officer says that Gates was agitated and asked or suggested that if he were a White man the officer would not be questioning him. Evidently, there was a verbal back and forth, but neither account states any use of profanity or derogatory language by any of the parties. The interaction was ended by Gates being led out of his house in handcuffs. He was arrested for disorderly conduct. The charge was dropped today.

The various reactions to this incident are very interesting. CNN asked its viewers to weigh in on the interaction. Personally, I do not like opinion polling on news events like that since no one but Gates and officer were there for the whole thing. Walter Cronkite died last week and he was concerned twenty years ago that news was becoming more entertainment than information. Well, I think he just could not take it any more. After seeing newscasts covering American Idol and Brangelina.

If you think this country is past racial issues, then you should visit the posts on CNN. No matter whether you side with Gates or the officer or see both sides, race comes up again and again. Either that is how it is for the Black man or this is part of the hypersensitivity of Black people. The only post that was race neutral was the one that felt that it was more about the elite versus the common man and Gates wanting special treatment.

When things like this happen, I think it shows us that this country has a long way to go because we can not or do not talk about these issues until something major happens.

One thing I would like to clear up is that you are not required to produce identification when asked. You are required to identify yourself to police officers but not show them identification. This is a different standard than TSA or customs. There is a simple reason for this. Currently, we have no required state or federal ID. A driver's license is required to drive a motor vehicle but we are not required to drive a motor vehicle.

Oh no they didn't

Today, I cruised around the art fair with a co-worker and her friend. It was toward the end of the night and we stopped to get funnel cakes. Funnel cakes are great going in but not so great sitting in one's stomach. Oh well. After the funnel cake I wanted a sno-cone so I got one of those, too. Essentially, it is shaved ice with flavoring. While the flavored syrup is not great, getting all that water is actually good and refreshing. As we were standing near the food stand a man comes up pulling a woman in what best can be described as a leopard print adorned rickshaw. The guy was quite muscled, had a shaved head, wore a metal chain-link collar, a black t-shirt that stretched across his pecs with the word "cuckold" in white letters, and some khaki shorts. Other than the rickshaw, the t-shirt, and the collar he looked pretty normal. The woman was in a nice dress that was pretty low cut and she had a parasol, I think. The neckline was so plunging that when she reached forward to give her man the money my co-worker's friend thought she might spill out of her dress. One of the best things about this was the reaction of children to seeing a woman being pulled in a rickshaw. The other great reaction was the parents trying to decide on the fly how much they should explain to the children.

Wonderful.

Side note: The unofficial name of the art fair should be the tattoo and cleavage fair. Good lord, there is such a thing as a cleavage saturation point. I reached it one-third of the way through the art fair.

Me and those like me are destroying the country

Today is the first day of the 2009 Ann Arbor Art Fairs. As a member of the Washtenaw County ACLU board, I volunteered to work a shift at the ACLU booth. I worked the booth for 3 hours. During my time at the booth, I heard about the New World Order, how Zbigniew Brzenzinski is the puppet master behind Barack Obama, how Barack Obama is just like George Bush (I guess it is an ear thing), and a host of other things. People love to come to the ACLU booth and share their gripes with us. One person felt that our bumper sticker referring to collateral damage "When we kill the innocent, we become the enemy" was contradictory with the bumper sticker "I am Pro Choice and I vote". Someone else, who drove away the bumper sticker analyst, felt that there was too much government intrusion but was conflicted on allowing people to own handguns since the sole purpose of handguns is to take human life. He also mentioned that if the termination of a pregnancy is a mother's right when does that right end. He wondered whether or not mothers are the only ones who can legally take a life besides the police. He was not joking. He was a libertarian.

The crowning moment(s) of my shift occcurred toward the end of my shift. One man started toward our direction, stopped, retreated, and then came up to us and told us how he is not a fan of the ACLU. He feels the ACLU never takes a stand with which conservatives would agree. I disagree about that but it is his opinion. He then went on some more. My booth mate, an undergraduate ACLU intern, engaged in a little disagreement with him. I did not. I was curious what he was basing some of his opinions on but not enough to really engage. A few minutes later a guy came by and told us that "the ACLU and groups like them are destroying this country". I was taken aback. Recently, I have been worried about my efficacy in my job and in the ACLU. However, now that I know that I am ruining the country, I think my efficacy is well cemented. :)

Me, JD, and 63

On Saturday, a co-worker and I rode 63 miles together (more or less). This was part of the Helluva Ride put on by the Ann Arbor Bicycling Touring Society (AABTS). Last year, I did about 40 miles so I upped my effort by 23 miles. From this ride I learned a few things.

1. 63 miles is a long distance.
2. Somehow, one can go from Washtenaw County, to Livingston County, to Ingham County, to Jackson County, and back to Washtenaw County.
3. My ride partner is a stronger rider than I am.
4. After mile 48, I did not care if my ride partner was a stronger than I was. I was not riding any faster than 14 mph after mile 48.
5. The first 38 miles were much better than the last 25 miles.
6. My left quadricep muscle cramped up at mile 35. My right quadricep muscle cramped up at mile 45. My back stiffened by mile 53. I wanted to quit at mile 61.5. Fifteen minutes after finishing mile 63, I thought I would do it again next year.
7. There is no doubt now that I am certifiably crazy.
8. If you ride 63 miles, your wife has no complaints about you getting a half rack of ribs at Zingerman's Roadhouse. Did I mention I would do it again next year? I love spare ribs.
   

Priapism, priapism, priapism

I love the word priapism. I just like how it looks and sounds. The actual condition would be quite, quite distressing but the word is neat. To remain in a tumescent state for a prolonged period of time to the point where the tissue is dying due to the lack of blood flow is a fascinating condition to ponder. I wonder what the female equivalent would be. (This was last Tuesday.)

On Wednesday or Thursday, I found out what the female equivalent is called. It is called clitorism. Personally, I do not like that name and feel that it should be called clitoral priapism and for men, it should be called penile priapism. I am still fascinated by the fact that this can occur. I wonder if when it is chemically induced it can be avoided by lessening the dosage. Maybe priapism is avoided by sitting in water and that is why all the Cialis commercials involve water.

Speaking of that, what is up with the footed bath tubs on the beach in the Cialis commercials? If the big selling point of Cialis is that you will be able to perform when the "mood is right", why do you need a tub, particularly a footed tub? When the mood is right, go to a bedroom or lay out a blanket or go anyplace where you have good footing or knee support :).

Enough on priapism. Another great word is proprioception. "It is the sense that indicates whether the body is moving with required effort, as well as where the various parts of the body are located in relation to each other."

Proprioception, proprioception, proprioception

Death of M. A. Rriage

Recently, I heard about a Time Magazine article about marriage. One of the questions reportedly raised in the article is whether infidelity is ruining marriage. One of the 'revelations' of the article is that men actually do want to get married.

I will start with the 'revelation' first. Duh. So let us look at marriage. Men live longer if they are married. Being married makes a man appear to be more mature and ergo more trustworthy. From a biological standpoint, marriage allows access to procreation with a greater assurance of paternity. For centuries, men have wanted to get married. If the author of the Time article just looked around he (I believe the author is a man) would see numerous examples of men who not only want to get married but want to have children as well. Now, not all men want to stay married and men desire varying levels of in involvement with said children, but marriage is their goal.

Is infidelity ruining marriage? No. Never being home, constantly pursuing the next status symbol, not listening to ourselves and others, not being present in our lives, not taking care of ourselves emotionally and physically, etc. are the things that are ruining marriage. Marriage requires a realistic look at yourself, some humility, some introspection, and a whole lot of forgetting the bad and remembering the good. A psychologist named Gottman who wrote, what I think is, a very good book on relationships states that one of the things that dictates whether a relationship will last is how each partner responds to reconciliation attempts. If one or both of the people in a relationship cannot accept the other's attempts at making up, not euphemistically :), then there is a problem. Also, we do not know how to disagree as a culture and not take it personally. We do not value diversity of opinion and we do not see how to benefit from combining ideas and opinions.

I think infidelity is the one of the strongest ways to end a relationship that was already lacking in some way. The results of numerous surveys, I hope some of them used at least a modicum of survey methodology, show that one of the main reasons people have affairs is to feel good about themselves. The affair allows people to get away from the responsibilities of their lives. People desire to forget that the roof needs repair, that the children need braces, and that your spouse would rather surf the web than talk to you. Joy Behar of The View and sociologists posit that more marriages fail because in the past people died earlier. Child birth killed women. Farm accidents killed men. Spouses killed each other. The notion of romantic marriage is relatively new as well. We used to marry and do our best to love or fall in love. Now, we search for love, we get addicted to love. and the notion of romance while forgetting that some very mundane things are very romantic. I remember being at a dinner party and my wife telling the room how I had taken care of her when she was sick. My care was nothing spectacular let me assure you but it was adequate to the task. One of the other women remarked that her husband would not hold her hair when she was in the throws of nausea. Admittedly, this was because she drank too much alcohol, as did he, but you get the point. That spouse may give flowers to his wife but when she was down he was out. The same goes for wives. I have many times been very touched by the little and big things the Mrs. does for me. We recounted over the July 4th weekend how well we knew each other and how we have little interest in breaking in new spouses. Being familiar can be very romantic, in fact, many office affairs start because of familiarity because it can lead to emotional intimacy and comfort. If only people reminded themselves that they could have an affair with their own spouse. It is cheaper and presumably, you already know your spouse's craziness. If you switch to someone new, you have to find out about their crazy side and the craziness that runs in their family.

Keep your relationship Private

Even though I do not watch the show, it was big news the Jon and Kate are going to get divorced. Here is a list as I know of reality TV couples that started married but ended divorced shortly after the show.

Hulk Hogan and his wife
Shannon Moakler and Travis Barker
Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey

Watch out Reverend Run and Ozzie Osbourne. Even though they never married Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed should be careful.

Even though most of us are not going to put our marriages or relationships on "reality" television this should be a reminder that humans should not give anyone tons of access to their lives. Everyone has a bad day or might say a cross word to someone they love. In the normal course of a relationship the recipient of the cross word, depending on what it is, gets over it and remembers and understands why it was said, etc. However, when it is replayed over and over and over again and then your family and friends get involved it is hard for either party to forgive or forget. In addition, people started to play characters when there are no cameras present. When cameras are present, the same character approaches caricature. Las Vegas has a marketing catchphrase "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". Well, there are many things in a relationship that should stay in the relationship. I am not talking about abuse because that is not acceptable. I am talking about things like a disagreement you had this morning or last night about something important at the time but trivial over time. When the issue is major, it might feel very therapeutic to tell your friends or family. However, if you and your partner resolve the issue and move on, your friends and family do not. They remember that she said you had no ambition, they remember that he said you are self-involved. They remind you even when you have long forgotten. People need to discuss their issues and get perspective but just remember that when you talk about your problems take a moment and cool off a little otherwise you might say something you regret. It also may come up at a dinner party if one of your friends gets a little tipsy.

Note: Neither of these are things that happened in my life. No disclosure here that would be hypocritical.

Playing catch-up

It has been almost two months since my last post and that was a review of cycling shorts. Well, a few things have happened since then.

On May 2, 2009, I competed in my first duathlon of the season. I did the Willow Duathlon all by myself. I ran (jogged), biked, and then ran again (really jogged this time). At this event, I came to realize many of my fellow competitors are runners who thought it would be cool to throw in a bike ride. I am a bike rider who thought it would not be terrible to bookend my ride with 3.1 mile runs. Due to this difference in competitor focus and my lack of competitiveness with others (which begs the question of why I do this at all), my first run was a tad slower than my competitors' runs. I was second to last after the first run. I made up some time and places on the bike ride. I shot out the gate and proceeded to pass people. I thought I must have really trained well in the off-season because I was passing people and felt like I was not putting forth much effort. Well, I was not putting forth much effort. At around mile 5 of the 12.4 mile ride, I looked at my average speed on my bike computer and it was about 14.4 mph. For reference, last year I did the bike leg as part of relay at this duathlon and my average speed was 15.6 on a heavier bike. So this news spurred me into action and it was, as they say in the race descriptions, Hammer Time. This being in the put the 'hammer down' sense not the "Can't Touch This" sense.

Side note: MC Hammer or Hammer has a reality TV show now.

(cont.) Anyway, I put forth some effort and ended up averaging 15.9 mph according to the initial results. Funny thing is that the Athlinks results have my average speed as 16.4 mph. I will take the 16.4 mph as my official speed. I dismounted my silver bullet on two wheels and took to the run course, again. This time my run pace was only 30 seconds slower than the first leg. I was happy with the consistency. Overall, I thought it was a good start to the season.

These events provide timing chips that strapped to each competitor's ankle with a Velcro band. Well, the volunteer taking the bands and chips was a little kid probably 8-10 years of age. When I was done, he commented that he did not mind taking my strap because it was not soaked and disgusting. While I am glad I could oblige the young lad, I think I probably could have exerted a little more effort. The Mrs. would like me to run a little faster so I am not the Black guy at the end at all the races this year. :)

Finis.

An odd party, to the least

Last month, I went to a party. At this party, a few of us were telling the other party-goers about a book we had 'heard of' written by some guy. The topic of the book was sexual in nature. Well, one person (not me) had a copy of the book in the rear or trunk of their car. Given the subject matter, that made those of us who knew about it laugh. If you have never stood around a kitchen island drinking alcohol, eating chips, and reading limericks from a book of a sexual nature with people you barely know then let me tell you, it is weird. One person, on the fly, made their own haiku on the same subject matter. I was quite impressed and very disturbed all at once.

Observations:

1) Even though both men and women looked at the book, only women read from the book aloud. This was curious to me. I did not read from the book. This was mostly because of the crowd and the context in which I knew most of them. I can only guess as to why the other men did not read aloud.

2) Some assumed the author was gay. I do not get that but I realized a long time ago that not everyone thinks like I do. For the record, the author is not gay. In some ways, I think if the author were gay, the book would not have been written, at least not the way it was. Just a hunch.

3) One fellow party-goer compared it to the works of the Marquis de Sade except without the sado-masochism. This is akin to saying something is just like the Bible except without the spiritual over- and undertones. The Marquis de Sade is kind of known for the sado-masochistic nature of his works.

4) For the first 3 or so hours of the party, I was older than everyone else by about 10 years.

5) Food was not ordered until about 3.5 hours into a party that started around 6 PM. The 30-year olds started to get hungry and mentioned it to the others. By the time the food arrived, we were starving. When you are over 30, the pre-party has food, the party has food, and the after-party has food.

6) My fellow party-goers are pretty nice people.

PS: For more details, you will have to ask me outside of the blog.

My Review of Novara Strada Road Bike Shorts - Men's

REI

The Novara Strada bike shorts feature non-chafing, 10-panel construction that delivers low drag and high performance for weekend races and group rides.

Novara Strada Road Bike Shorts - Men's

Good short at a good price

D Road Novice Ann Arbor, MI 4/19/2009

 

5 5

Gift: No

Waist: Feels true to size

Length: Feels true to length

Pros: Comfortable, Great Fit, Good Padding

Cons: Not Enough Pockets

Best Uses: Long Rides, Road Biking, Warm Weather

Describe Yourself: Casual/ Recreational

The 10-panel construction is great. I am comparing it to Cannondale Classic shorts, an Adidas bib, and a Novara Trionfo II bibs. I love my bibs and am less enamored with the Cannondale (my first pair of shorts). These function like the bibs. Very comfortable, good chamois, they move with me, and the elastic in the back of the waist compensated for the lack of a drawstring. They do not have a pocket but my shirt has pockets. I think a comparable non-REI brand short would run $90-100. Note about sizing: according to the chart, my waist measurement put me in a large but my thighs required XL.

()

The End of the Innocence

I used to be the office cheerleader. I would get upset about failure and lack of follow through mine more than that of others but I never really gave up. However, recently I have noticed it is harder and harder to believe. I never thought myself a person who really needs to believe that much. To a certain degree, I enjoy the middle ground and the gray area but sometimes it is not middle ground just unadulterated craziness.

Today was a hard day but it really should not have been a hard day. Nothing out of the ordinary really happened except I realized that I let my personal feelings get in the way of progress. I knew what I was doing on some level but all I could hold on to was my displeasure with how things were progressing. I knew there was something wrong but I could not get my voice heard so much like a petulant child I acted out. How very sad it is when a grown man acts out. That being said, I am becoming increasingly disillusioned with my current life situation. For clarification, I am not talking about my personal life. I see instances where a simple conversation could solve an issue and instead a mountain is made out of a mole hill. I see people being manipulated not for some greater good or even a lesser personal glory but just because someone does not want to deal with certain issues. I find it hard to deal with because I see great potential in what we do and what we are. I just need to figure out a way to get past my own issues and help lead the way.

I apologize that is not my best work but at least it is honest.

Something's Got to Give

Top Note (it is not on the side): You cannot tell someone who suffers from anxiety, despite their laid back nature (hmmm, I wonder who this is?), to just sit back relax and not be anxious about a change. That is like putting a fish in water and telling it not to swim. It cannot be done, it is in its nature.

Now for something completely different...

I love ellipses. :)

In about four and a half weeks, we celebrate the births of Salvador Dali, Martha Graham, and Irving Berlin all artists (painter, dancer, musician, respectively). Other people were born on that day as well. As I approach the completion of my 35th year and embark on my 36th, I have come to the realization that I have to make some changes in my life if I am going to make it to 40 with a modicum of sanity. I just need a little bit of sanity, too much would throw me off.

Two or three or four years ago I came to the assisted realization that I needed to build my friendship circle and interact more with like-minded people. That worked out well enough for a while, I found some people I liked. We went to trivia and we built routines. I love routines they make me feel secure and happy. We even worked out together. It was nice. Well, my routine was changed last year and I am still, yes, still trying to build new routines. I think overall I am doing better at keeping in touch with people. Blogging and Facebook have allowed me to stay in touch with the day-to-day of people's lives and for me that is some semblance of a routine in which I can feel comfortable. Did I mention I like routines? Hell, I like Unix/Linux and scripting. I love routines.

I need to ride more. I like cycling. My goal is to improve my duathlon performances from last year. If I can show myself that I am serious, I will start saving for a triathlon-specific bike. I already know which bike I want. This bike has a carbon frame (very light), a high-end set of gears, and a shorter tube which is good for people with low-to-moderate flexibility of which I have none. However, I have started taking a pilates class to improve my flexibility and my core. I am going back to Tai-Ji as well. I had a routine with a certain group of people I saw everyday Saturday and then I stopped going because I felt like I was progressing faster than the group. I was not upset that the group was not on my level but that I was set apart from the group. I think in some ways I sabotaged my own progress but that is for another time. I think that once I start Tai-Ji and maybe take off an afternoon or two in order to ride about 20 miles or so I will bring balance to my life and be much happier.

This is not really profound just more writing my mental chatter.

Pilates

Today I had my first matwork pilates class. I knew pilates were no joke but goodness sakes. First thing, I come to the class after a 1.5 hour massage. Big mistake. Massages bring out toxins and hour and a half massages bring out a bunch of toxins. After a massage, one is instructed to drink lots of water to flush out the toxins. So, right after bringing out toxins and drinking lots of water I walk in to the class and it looks like the instructor is doing yoga. I stood for a while and then asked a fellow participant if I was in the right class. I find a spot and follow the instructor and then fifty minutes of hell begins.

The instructor looked so nice. She recently had a baby and teaches high school math. She keeps talking and informs us of "Calculus: The Musical" being performed by her high school students. Nothing in the beginning would lead one to believe she is a smiling, well-toned uber sadist. She asks us to lay on our backs and engage our abdominal muscles, constantly engage our abdominal muscles. We put our legs in the air and do scissors. At one point, post-pilate, she asks us to do this stretch where I end of unsuccessfully placing my elbow behind my knee while sitting on the floor. I did not go well.

After the class, I am trying to put my shoes on being so close to death. (A bit melodramatic but only a little). I talk with the instructor who I could not really focus on because I was close to blacking out. She tells me that people like me (people who work out, I guess) would really benefit from pilates. She says that it is good for my core and for my flexibility but will give me a good aerobic workout. I beg to differ as I breathe heavier than when I finish a run. Anyway, I finally leave and then try to get home before my eventual demise. I get home fall face first on our new red couch and say my goodbyes to the Mrs.

Post-mortem: After an hour on the red couch, I rejoin the living and go to Borders to take advantage of the 40% off sale on CDs. :)

Seize the day

It has been quite a while since I last posted. Here are the highlights of the last few weeks.

Last week while in Hiller's Market buying cheesecake and cannolis my belt broke while I was wearing it. I cannot make this up. I was in the bakery section and my belt buckle separated from the rest of my belt. It was almost like a warning against baked goods. Luckily for me, I paid no attention and bought the cheesecake and cannolis anyway. The chocolate cheesecake was quite tasty.

Last weekend, we had some great weather in Ann Arbor so I decided break out the road bike and do some riding. On Saturday, I rode about 5 miles by going around a 1-mile loop. It was fun and a good start to the season. On Sunday, I decided to go for about a 10-mile ride. It ended up being about 13 miles. At around mile 6, I was in the left turn lane on Michigan Ave (US or MI Rte 12) at a green light where the left turning lane yields to oncoming traffic. I was waiting for a car to pass ready to pedal through when my lower back seized up. I believe my scream of pain was audible. Luckily, I could still pedal so I made it through the light and then pulled over to the shoulder. I stretched it out a bit and then I had to make a choice. I could ride the six miles home or I could call the Mrs. and ask her to come and get me. I opted for riding home because my back hurt a lot but you know 'not that much'. I found that by riding with really good form I could pedal pretty well and it forced me to not tense up.

Upon my arrival to our humble abode, I took some ibuprofen. The next day I took some ibuprofen at work. Just a side note, my job's supply cabinet has a ton ibuprofen packs. I think we have that many people in pain we should be looking into that but what do I know. Anyway, I took one ibuprofen which took the edge off, a little. Then I found that if I stand up against the window sill of a co-worker's office the sill offered the right amount of pressure. After my second visit, said co-worker suggested that I up my dosage of ibuprofen. Amazingly, more pain killer decreased the pain, who knew. I would like to say that I am pain free but I am not. In a few minutes, I will take three ibuprofen so that I can sleep at night.

Here ends my update.

PS: We now have his and hers couches.

Powerful Video

A guy I used to work with has been doing music for a while. Below is a link to his latest music video.

Please watch and listen.

The "Dream Streets" video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lnk02VZetCo

Thank you,
David

TAG I am IT

Hi,

Facebook has various notes and lists one can create about oneself. Well, I love doing them but I am becoming more and more hesitant about posting them since my employees have made me their friend on Facebook. The solution is to put some of the lists on my blog.

-------------------------------------------------
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

King David from the bible aka the giant slayer.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

About four weeks ago (I wrote a letter to Mom).

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

Yes

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Prosciutto, I guess.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Not yet.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Yes

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Yes

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

No way. I do not need artificial fear life is scary enough.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

Cookie crisp, although I never eat it.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

Yes, the structural integrity of the shoe is better maintained.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

Pistachio

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Today, it is their lips. Tomorrow, it will be noses. The next day eyes.

15. RED OR PINK?

Red

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

Oh, where to begin... (Borrowed from Dr. H)

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

My mother.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?

Sure.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

Black corduroys and navy blue Lands End winter shoes.

20. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

My betrothed.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

The running water of my fountain.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

Purple

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

The MDRC archive director (she wears Light Blue by Dolce Gabana), Shalimar perfume, and frankincense

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?

Yes, I do.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Track (sprints) and college basketball.

27. HAIR COLOR?

Mocha.

28. EYE COLOR?

Brownish brown.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

No, but I had Lasik surgery.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?

Pizza or sushi.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

Hitman (cable) or Iron Man (theater)

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

Pink with an army green sweater.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Summer but really Spring.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?

Hugs.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

Don't know... (especially since I don't know exactly to whom I'll send it yet)

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

Who knows.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

Creative Digital Darkroom and The Little SAS Book

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

Don't have one

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?

Criminal Minds and CSI on DVR

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).

my wife's laugh, birds chirping, my fountain, and wind chimes

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

Rolling Stones (neither really, I scream bias).

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

Probably San Francisco.

45. WHERE WERE U BORN?

The same town as Rick James.

46. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?

Everyone's.

47. BIG WEEKEND PLANS?

Brunch with some friends and dinner at some restaurant but I cannot remember which one

48. DOGS OR CATS?

Neither.

Color Blind

Political blogging is not really my strong suit. I know people who write great political blogs. I work with at least one such person. I remember when Arianna Huffington was on the Daily Show she said that people should blog about their public and secret passions. Politics is neither a public nor a secret passion of mine. That being said, I have a gripe with political commentators.

Many, many news show hosts have been asking their guests if now that Barack Obama is president, are we, as a country, past race. One, if you have to ask... Second, if we were past race then we would surely know it because the headline of every paper would proclaim that our society was past race. Many of the pundits talk about a color blind society and talk about the populous like we cannot entertain a more complex concept of race. I think, if anything, Barack Obama's election and the McCain-Obama race let us know that we can handle a more complex concep of race.

I do not want a color blind society.

I want a society that appreciates my color, my sex, and/or my sexuality. I have shirts that are black, white, pink, orange, yellow, green, and blue. I may prefer a black shirt one day and a green shirt another day but I never believe that just because of the color of the shirt that it will not perform the necessary functions of a shirt. I just want the same to be true for judgements about people. If you are a woman that alone says nothing about your ability to lead. If you are a man, you can be nurturing. If you are Black, you can reason calmly. If you are White, you can dance. We have centuries of examples of people of every religion, sex, sexuality, race, and ethnicity performing acts of great bravery, strategy, and love. We have examples of people of all those demographic categories perpetrating acts of great evil and stupidity.

Varied experiences make for better teams. Some people are more disruptive than others but that is a characteristic of the individual not the group. I have met knuckleheads of all kinds. The common trait is the knuckleheadedness, nothing less and nothing more. Not being color or any other kind of demographic blindness, allows one to challenge and correct his or hers incorrect thoughts or assumptions.

I love photography and love to appreciate the aesthetics of the combinations, nature (God), has created. I definitely do not want to miss a moment of beauty, particularly just for the sake of some misdirected social idea.

For the record: When talking about male or female, that is sex. Gender refers to masculine or feminine characteristics or traits.

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

One week before the anniversary of your death, Barack Obama was sworn in as President of the United States. It was quite the occasion. I am sure in the past there were inauguration concerts and hoopla but this was insane. Friends in Maryland went to the DC Mall to see it live and so did a guy from work.

It is sad that you and Carol were not here to see it. As you know, she died on the last day of 2008. I may never forget, I hope I do not, that you told me to call Carol more often during 2007 and 2008 because she may not have that much more time left. I remember you paused when you said that. I knew the thought made you sad. You let it sink in for a minute and then you were done with the sadness. I did as I was told and I am glad I did. Well now she is telling you stories and you are there to laugh at them just like the old days.

Everyone is doing pretty well. You would be really proud of Stacy. There is not a week that goes by when she does not tell me she misses you and how she wishes she could call you. I think she really misses having someone who really understands the crazy things her husband says. She feels like she had more to learn about me from the source. Mike and Suzi had a baby. They named her Briana Pamela. She was christened in January on your birthday. It was cold but a nice event, even though it snowed (it was Boston in January). Through no effort on their part, the icing on Briana's cake was pink and green. Dad, Stacy, and I got a kick out of that since those are your sorority colors.

Per your instructions, we call Grandma and Aunt Pat at least once a month. Grandma will be 90 this year. We talked to her tonight. She and Aunt Pat were really excited about Barack Obama's inauguration. She (Grandma) said that she never thought she would live to see a Black President of the United States. Truth be told, I did not think I would live to see a Black President of the United States. I echo Michelle Obama's sentiment that there have been few times that I have been prouder to live in the United States. Mind you, I was not going to give up my citizenship and leave no matter how I felt about the country.

I think it is amazing that Barack Obama won North Carolina and Virginia. In Virginia, where we had Robert E. Lee/Martin Luther King Jr Day, more people voted for a Black man than for a decorated war hero. I remember when you told me you mentioned to a woman that your son went to Duke and the next question out of the woman's mouth was "What sport does he play?". I remember when you told me a Black woman came to the door and asked to speak to the woman of the house. She did not believe you when you repeatedly told her that you were, in fact, the woman of the house and yes, you understood that meant the owner. You were both the woman of the house and the owner. It took you almost slamming the door in her face before she believed you. You had such patience because I know at that time it took effort to walk to the door and stand in the foyer talking but I bet you were never rude, that was not your way. I wonder what Jesse Helms thought about Barack Obama winning North Carolina.

You would be proud of Dad. He is getting out and being social. Since your death, we have seen him every three months or so. Recently, he had a stent put in to alleviate an 85% blockage of an artery. We are encouraging him to make some lifestyle changes but, as you know, it takes time to bring him around. He misses you. He misses having a dining companion. The man's idea of a salad is coleslaw. For the record, that is not a proper salad. We went down to Tallahassee for Christmas. We were going to have him come up here for Christmas but nobody leaves Florida to come to Michigan in the Winter. We (Stacy) enjoyed the sun so much we stayed a few extra days. On New Year's Day, we learned that Carol died the day before. I think that broke Dad's heart. I was glad we were with him for the news. Both he and Stacy took it pretty hard given the loss of you and the time of the year. Add the fact that Carol introduced you to Dad, again, and it was hard. Dad flew to Buffalo and Stacy and I drove to Buffalo for the funeral. Dad participated in the funeral (Jim really wanted him there). He told everyone about you and Carol and people enjoyed it (as much as anything can be enjoyed at a funeral).

We are getting along. We always think of you. We still laugh at your jokes and ways. I am really glad you were experiencing the best health of your adulthood, if not your life. It just makes me happy that you, as an artist, experienced the world through good eyes and experienced what it felt like to walk the mall and not have to sit down and rest every 15 minutes.

The day you died I was on my first "Worst Day of the Year" ride. What an understatement.

Love,
Your son, the image of your husband but with your personality.

David

Human worth

This is something I am trying to flesh out. Comments are always welcome on my posts but I encourage readers to comment on this one (read: please comment on my blog, please oh please). No pressure though. This will not be the most logical post but I have to get this out.

Why do we have the need to feel better than someone else? Why not just feel personal value and assume that if you have value others have value? Rudeness might be abolished if more people thought about this and acted accordingly.

I recently read a book called "Money Shot: Wild Nights and Lonely Days inside the Black Porn Industry". Overall, I thought this was a quick read and enjoyable. It gave some insight into the lives of actors and actresses in the porn industry, particularly Black actors and actresses. One thing that stood out to me were the various actors talking about condom use in the porn industry. One actor stated something that seemed so obvious but really, really sad. I think it speaks to how we, as a culture, devalue certain people and it supports our extreme discomfort with our cultural sexuality.

Unfortunately, it's the fans fault. They don't see us as human beings and instead see us as being the dregs of society, so they don't care what happens to us..But if the fans didn't react so negatively to condom scenes we could change like the gay industry.'--Sinnamon Love (p. 94)

What I don't like is that the majority of Americans don't like seeing guys wearing a condom. Some companies are condom mandatory, but if I say that I'm going to do nothing but condom-only shoots, then I'll start getting cut out of gigs..What would make the companies change would be if a guy buys a tape where he sees a girl that is so hot, that it doesn't matter if the guy wears a condom. But that's not happening now because the fans are communicating directly to the companies that they dislike condom movies. So we put our lives at risk.--Sledge Hammer (p. 220)

When asked why there was no mandatory condom use in the straight porn industry. (According to the book, gay porn uses condoms.) The actor replied that consumers think of them (the actors) as beneath them and valued the enjoyment of their fantasy over the safety of the actors. The actors have regular HIV and STD tests and must have the results with them to work on most, if not all, films, but no condoms. One major company, according to the book, does require condoms but the others feel that condom use would not sell.

----The logic put forth by the non-condom use companies reminds me of the logic of GM and Chrysler used for not making good small cars. Even though another company is showing that small cars (condom porn) can sell, they still say it will not.

The author challenged asked Mr. Hammer, why the actor and actresses do not band together and demand it. Mr. Hammer said that there are too many people and there would be many people who would go without condoms for more money. Initially, I let this slide but then I thought that is a terrible reason for not banding together. Just because some people want to ride in their cars without using the seat belt does not mean that seat belt use should not be mandatory. I think both the companies and the actors and actresses should take responsibility for this. It seems like a bad economic model to put your stars at risk, unnecessarily.

I do not believe fantasies would be ruined by condoms. They could use practically transparent condoms so one could believe that there was no condom. Also, they could use the spray-on condom. I am a little suspicious of aerosol contraception, but to each their own if it works. This goes along with my response to those who say that using condoms is some great barrier to pleasure. You are not doing right. Okay, that did not really go along with that but I wanted to say it anyway.

If you knew that you could give up 5% of your enjoyment and it would increase an other's safety by 50% (not a factually based statistic but a good percentage), then who would say nope 95% is not enough.

I have heard, from anonymous sources of course ;), that porn is not even that interesting. So, why not think of others. I think this speaks to the larger issue of how we do not embrace the idea of '...there but for the grace of God, go I.' I find it is amazing that a legal endeavor has such a stigma. Pornography is a multi-million possibly billion dollar industry but everyone is appalled by it and no one watches it.

I think we (the culture) are not big on letting people do what they want as long as it is legal. We have tons of examples of this and everyone is outraged for the egregious examples but we are silent for the everyday transgressions. We are outraged by sodomy laws in Texas but ignore de facto laws in our 'backyard'.

Think about this, twenty years from now, what would happen if someone broke in to a politician's house and found a video of the politician and spouse during intimate moments and made it public? I would say good for the couple, but how many people would be aghast at such behavior? Some might say that they should not have made the video, but I say that whatever they like, they like. It is their business not the business of the public and the video should not have been stolen in the first place. It is like you come in my house, I have the bathroom door closed, you walk in on me getting out of the shower, and you are upset that I was naked.

On a side note, I do not think MySpace and/or Facebook should be used in hiring decisions. I think that it is an invasion of privacy. We should not be required to check our ideas and preferences when we walk in to work. We should be required to be respectful, but not lose our individual voices. People have been doing stupid things in their youth since the dawn of time but the internet generation is paying a higher price.

It's hard to let go, huh?

I have many stories since the last time I blogged. What I want to relate today is what I am going through now. This past Christmas was the first one without my mother's physical presence. Overall, it was a happy one. We remembered, we joked, and we eventually put the tree up. For background, the Mrs. and I went to Florida to spend Christmas with the Reverend. We were supposed to come back on December 29th but the weather was so nice and the weather in Michigan so crappy we decided to come back on January 1st. It was good we made that decision.

Everything happens for a reason, sometimes.

On New Year's Eve, we called my godmother and her family to wish her a happy New Year. She has been battling first breast cancer and then leukemia brought on by the breast cancer. She introduced my parents to one another for dating (I think they had met years earlier because their mothers played bridge or something together) and she was my mother's best friend. Anyway, we did not reach them that night but my godfather called us back on New Year's day to tell us that my godmother died. That alone would have been sad enough, but it also served as a reminder that my mother died and I remembered that she (mom) told me about 1.5 years ago that I should call my godmother more because she (mom) did think she (godmother) had much more time left.

Sad very, very sad.

I would describe myself as lacking in emotional affect, at times (January through December). That being the case, I tend to express my feelings and emotions through words more than gestures. (As I write this I think I am wrong but whatever). Anyway, we returned home and then today I went to get a massage. I really needed it. I could not relax to save my life. I was tight in places I am normally not tight and my normal tight places were even tighter. At one point, I was remarking on and acknowledging my tightness with the goddess of massage and she said "It's hard to let go, huh?". I felt these words were so true. There were times during my massage that I feared letting go because I would cry. There were moments of letting go but those moments were few.

Massage, particularly done by professional, is a very intimate (not to be confused with sexual or sensual) act. I felt bad because I knew the goddess of massage could feel my sadness. If we were the only ones in the room, I probably would have let go more and possibly cried but I felt the curtain did not provide adequate privacy for me to feel comfortable in that way. In the end, she did a great massage and despite my best efforts in the end I felt very relaxed and relieved.

Funny note, to me at least: She was moving my underwear to get at my glutes and she ripped each leg of my underwear. She kept apologizing but I thought it was really funny because she ripped one leg and then went to work on other side and ripped the other leg. I am laughing about it even now.