Mystery solved

So, 2010 is my year of pushing myself some more. I was talking to my friend Sandra and we were discussing how I push myself and other intricacies of my makeup. Well, I realized that I do not like to impose on others and I am still working on this human thing. Hugs confuse me a bit. Not so much the mechanics, I understand the how, you know when approached reach arms out, touch the back of the other person, and close distance between me and the other person while securing said person in arms. The hugs vary based on the relationship between the two people. I am confused about the appropriate moments of hugging. I would love to be the gregarious, warm person but I am more the intellectually warm but physically distant person with hopefully, a warm smile.

Last night, I ran into an issue that happens less frequently but is even more distressing, the cheek kiss. I only hug my friends and only kiss my wife even on the cheek. Occasionally, women kiss me on the cheek but I rarely kiss back and I never initiate the kiss. The cheek kiss is nice and pleasant. I think I got it right last night but it was still weird. I worried that I would miss the cheek and kiss the person on the lips. In hindsight, I do think it would have been bad just a little funny but in the moment the idea was a bit terrifying. I do not want people thinking I, a married man, am coming on to a married woman and a friend at that. There is probably more to it than that but who knows.

Anyway, tomorrow is mother's 65th birthday. I was feeling kind of down as the day progressed and then I realized that the eleventh was approaching and I was no longer confused as to the source of my sadness. If I had been thinking it through, I probably would have taken the day off tomorrow but I have lots to do at work. I miss my mom everyday and it would have been cool to share her 65th birthday with her. She would have exceeded her life expectancy by 30 years but it was not to be. Still, I choose to celebrate her life more than mourn her death or loss. I learned many lessons from her and inherited many traits. Since her death, I have explored my artistic side more and I have taken some steps to live my life less passively. I always have more to learn but I have a good foundation provided by my parents and that goes a long way.