So, 2010 is my year of pushing myself some more. I was talking to my friend Sandra and we were discussing how I push myself and other intricacies of my makeup. Well, I realized that I do not like to impose on others and I am still working on this human thing. Hugs confuse me a bit. Not so much the mechanics, I understand the how, you know when approached reach arms out, touch the back of the other person, and close distance between me and the other person while securing said person in arms. The hugs vary based on the relationship between the two people. I am confused about the appropriate moments of hugging. I would love to be the gregarious, warm person but I am more the intellectually warm but physically distant person with hopefully, a warm smile.
Last night, I ran into an issue that happens less frequently but is even more distressing, the cheek kiss. I only hug my friends and only kiss my wife even on the cheek. Occasionally, women kiss me on the cheek but I rarely kiss back and I never initiate the kiss. The cheek kiss is nice and pleasant. I think I got it right last night but it was still weird. I worried that I would miss the cheek and kiss the person on the lips. In hindsight, I do think it would have been bad just a little funny but in the moment the idea was a bit terrifying. I do not want people thinking I, a married man, am coming on to a married woman and a friend at that. There is probably more to it than that but who knows.
Anyway, tomorrow is mother's 65th birthday. I was feeling kind of down as the day progressed and then I realized that the eleventh was approaching and I was no longer confused as to the source of my sadness. If I had been thinking it through, I probably would have taken the day off tomorrow but I have lots to do at work. I miss my mom everyday and it would have been cool to share her 65th birthday with her. She would have exceeded her life expectancy by 30 years but it was not to be. Still, I choose to celebrate her life more than mourn her death or loss. I learned many lessons from her and inherited many traits. Since her death, I have explored my artistic side more and I have taken some steps to live my life less passively. I always have more to learn but I have a good foundation provided by my parents and that goes a long way.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
I am not sure what to think (a rambling mess of thoughts)
Initially, upon reading the story about a California judge rejecting a petition by an AIDS advocacy group to mandate professional pornography studios to use condoms, I was greatly distressed. (Read the story for yourself.)
As a proponent of mandatory condom use for anyone in any profession who is not in a sexually monogamous relationship, I felt like the judge was not valuing the health and well-being of the participants in those movies. Part of freedom is the right to be an idiot and do stupid things, so as an individual you want to engage in self-destructive behavior then you have every right to do so. However, if I make money off you engaging in self-destructive behavior and provide the environment and encourage (in some cases, coerce through greater monetary reward) such behavior then I have a responsibility to limit your risk.
Some online statistics, that I have not verified, state the following:
"The pornography industry brings in more revenue than the combined revenue of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises. US pornography revenue exceeds the combined revenues of television networks ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion), and child pornography generates $3 billion annually."
I felt that for all the money being made, the least that could be done would be to protect the well-being of the actors and actresses. The average career length of an actress in pornography is 18 months, at least that was the number in 2005. Eighteen months of work should not be allowed to have such an adverse effect on one's health for life.
All of this was before I read the whole story. I knew that the Adult Industry Medical (AIM) Healthcare Foundation requires industry-wide testing of performers every 30 days. I knew that gay porn has even more stringent self-imposed standards. I think condoms should be required but like many things involving the legal system, the actual petition may not be the best course of action. The AIDS advocacy group did not sue the studios, they sued LA county for not enforcing a statute that may or may not actually be able to be enforced in that way. I do like that the group has vowed not to give up and will try to work both inside and outside the industry to achieve their goal.
I recall from reading a book containing interviews with actors and actresses in porn that they believe that the public does not want to see condom use. I remember reading some other survey or something that supports that claim. I believe that the consumer would still buy the product though. According to industry reports, the top selling company requires condom use and has gained in market share so it would seem that any business would want to protect its money makers.
I liken the way our society treats pornographic actresses and actors to how we treat football players. Tons of people watch both and want to share in their exploits but at the same time feel that they are smarter, more valuable, or of higher character than the performers. Part of this may be due to the fact that both porn performers and football players are valued for their physical prowess and abilities as opposed to their mental abilities. However, most of us are not valued for our mental abilities. Very few of us get paid to think without the expectation of a tangible end product. In most cases, the end product requires some physical exertion whether it be typing or running. Professors have to publish or parish, data processors have to convert and release studies, bakers have to have tasty baked goods, and doctors have to cure and/or treat illnesses. Even clerics have to show that their flock is progressing and that the houses of worship are sustainable.
This is not a nice well thought group of conclusions but here they are:
1) Condoms should be used in pornography. They now make clear latex condoms and I am pretty sure the average viewer will not be greatly turned off by their presence.
2) The state of porn has already changed with the advent of consumer available HD-recording and the internet. An increase of images of people of all types engaging in sex, particularly in committed loving relationships might be the next big market and would probably do our society some good.
3) I either need a new hobby or become a porn activist or lobbyist.
4) If you make a video you having sex with someone and someone breaks into your house and steals it. The shame should go to the thief not the people who made the video. The two people made the video so they could watch themselves, the thief stole and put in on the web.
If anyone reads this and has more opinions, I would love to hear them because I am still working on this.
As a proponent of mandatory condom use for anyone in any profession who is not in a sexually monogamous relationship, I felt like the judge was not valuing the health and well-being of the participants in those movies. Part of freedom is the right to be an idiot and do stupid things, so as an individual you want to engage in self-destructive behavior then you have every right to do so. However, if I make money off you engaging in self-destructive behavior and provide the environment and encourage (in some cases, coerce through greater monetary reward) such behavior then I have a responsibility to limit your risk.
Some online statistics, that I have not verified, state the following:
"The pornography industry brings in more revenue than the combined revenue of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises. US pornography revenue exceeds the combined revenues of television networks ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion), and child pornography generates $3 billion annually."
I felt that for all the money being made, the least that could be done would be to protect the well-being of the actors and actresses. The average career length of an actress in pornography is 18 months, at least that was the number in 2005. Eighteen months of work should not be allowed to have such an adverse effect on one's health for life.
All of this was before I read the whole story. I knew that the Adult Industry Medical (AIM) Healthcare Foundation requires industry-wide testing of performers every 30 days. I knew that gay porn has even more stringent self-imposed standards. I think condoms should be required but like many things involving the legal system, the actual petition may not be the best course of action. The AIDS advocacy group did not sue the studios, they sued LA county for not enforcing a statute that may or may not actually be able to be enforced in that way. I do like that the group has vowed not to give up and will try to work both inside and outside the industry to achieve their goal.
I recall from reading a book containing interviews with actors and actresses in porn that they believe that the public does not want to see condom use. I remember reading some other survey or something that supports that claim. I believe that the consumer would still buy the product though. According to industry reports, the top selling company requires condom use and has gained in market share so it would seem that any business would want to protect its money makers.
I liken the way our society treats pornographic actresses and actors to how we treat football players. Tons of people watch both and want to share in their exploits but at the same time feel that they are smarter, more valuable, or of higher character than the performers. Part of this may be due to the fact that both porn performers and football players are valued for their physical prowess and abilities as opposed to their mental abilities. However, most of us are not valued for our mental abilities. Very few of us get paid to think without the expectation of a tangible end product. In most cases, the end product requires some physical exertion whether it be typing or running. Professors have to publish or parish, data processors have to convert and release studies, bakers have to have tasty baked goods, and doctors have to cure and/or treat illnesses. Even clerics have to show that their flock is progressing and that the houses of worship are sustainable.
This is not a nice well thought group of conclusions but here they are:
1) Condoms should be used in pornography. They now make clear latex condoms and I am pretty sure the average viewer will not be greatly turned off by their presence.
2) The state of porn has already changed with the advent of consumer available HD-recording and the internet. An increase of images of people of all types engaging in sex, particularly in committed loving relationships might be the next big market and would probably do our society some good.
3) I either need a new hobby or become a porn activist or lobbyist.
4) If you make a video you having sex with someone and someone breaks into your house and steals it. The shame should go to the thief not the people who made the video. The two people made the video so they could watch themselves, the thief stole and put in on the web.
If anyone reads this and has more opinions, I would love to hear them because I am still working on this.
I blog ergo I have nothing better to do
It has been a while since I last blogged. Focusing on one particular issue and then remembering it once I get out of the shower has been a little difficult lately. That being said, I will review my 2009.
It started with the funeral of my godmother and ended with the funeral of the mother of one of our friends. Oddly, both succumbed to cancer. In between January and December, we bought our first house and we even moved into it. I met a new friend who helps me sort out some things.
So far, I have found out that I do not have to observe life but I can participate. The problem is that I like observing. People are fascinating. They do all sorts of things for both good and bad reasons. I am fascinated by the Tiger Woods situation but it obviously has absolutely no relevance to my life. I feel for both Tiger and his wife Elin. I think, based on the facts coming out, he really never should have entered into a monogamous arrangement. His situation to me at least, parallels the situation of many people in that he was trying to live up to societal expectations or norms even though he must have known that for whatever reason he was either unable or unwilling to follow those norms. Like I said, I am fascinated by the situation but saddened by the emotional turmoil they are going through and the need for us as a society to feel disappointment in him and as opposed to compassion for them.
It started with the funeral of my godmother and ended with the funeral of the mother of one of our friends. Oddly, both succumbed to cancer. In between January and December, we bought our first house and we even moved into it. I met a new friend who helps me sort out some things.
So far, I have found out that I do not have to observe life but I can participate. The problem is that I like observing. People are fascinating. They do all sorts of things for both good and bad reasons. I am fascinated by the Tiger Woods situation but it obviously has absolutely no relevance to my life. I feel for both Tiger and his wife Elin. I think, based on the facts coming out, he really never should have entered into a monogamous arrangement. His situation to me at least, parallels the situation of many people in that he was trying to live up to societal expectations or norms even though he must have known that for whatever reason he was either unable or unwilling to follow those norms. Like I said, I am fascinated by the situation but saddened by the emotional turmoil they are going through and the need for us as a society to feel disappointment in him and as opposed to compassion for them.
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