Political blogging is not really my strong suit. I know people who write great political blogs. I work with at least one such person. I remember when Arianna Huffington was on the Daily Show she said that people should blog about their public and secret passions. Politics is neither a public nor a secret passion of mine. That being said, I have a gripe with political commentators.
Many, many news show hosts have been asking their guests if now that Barack Obama is president, are we, as a country, past race. One, if you have to ask... Second, if we were past race then we would surely know it because the headline of every paper would proclaim that our society was past race. Many of the pundits talk about a color blind society and talk about the populous like we cannot entertain a more complex concept of race. I think, if anything, Barack Obama's election and the McCain-Obama race let us know that we can handle a more complex concep of race.
I do not want a color blind society.
I want a society that appreciates my color, my sex, and/or my sexuality. I have shirts that are black, white, pink, orange, yellow, green, and blue. I may prefer a black shirt one day and a green shirt another day but I never believe that just because of the color of the shirt that it will not perform the necessary functions of a shirt. I just want the same to be true for judgements about people. If you are a woman that alone says nothing about your ability to lead. If you are a man, you can be nurturing. If you are Black, you can reason calmly. If you are White, you can dance. We have centuries of examples of people of every religion, sex, sexuality, race, and ethnicity performing acts of great bravery, strategy, and love. We have examples of people of all those demographic categories perpetrating acts of great evil and stupidity.
Varied experiences make for better teams. Some people are more disruptive than others but that is a characteristic of the individual not the group. I have met knuckleheads of all kinds. The common trait is the knuckleheadedness, nothing less and nothing more. Not being color or any other kind of demographic blindness, allows one to challenge and correct his or hers incorrect thoughts or assumptions.
I love photography and love to appreciate the aesthetics of the combinations, nature (God), has created. I definitely do not want to miss a moment of beauty, particularly just for the sake of some misdirected social idea.
For the record: When talking about male or female, that is sex. Gender refers to masculine or feminine characteristics or traits.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Dear Mom
Dear Mom,
One week before the anniversary of your death, Barack Obama was sworn in as President of the United States. It was quite the occasion. I am sure in the past there were inauguration concerts and hoopla but this was insane. Friends in Maryland went to the DC Mall to see it live and so did a guy from work.
It is sad that you and Carol were not here to see it. As you know, she died on the last day of 2008. I may never forget, I hope I do not, that you told me to call Carol more often during 2007 and 2008 because she may not have that much more time left. I remember you paused when you said that. I knew the thought made you sad. You let it sink in for a minute and then you were done with the sadness. I did as I was told and I am glad I did. Well now she is telling you stories and you are there to laugh at them just like the old days.
Everyone is doing pretty well. You would be really proud of Stacy. There is not a week that goes by when she does not tell me she misses you and how she wishes she could call you. I think she really misses having someone who really understands the crazy things her husband says. She feels like she had more to learn about me from the source. Mike and Suzi had a baby. They named her Briana Pamela. She was christened in January on your birthday. It was cold but a nice event, even though it snowed (it was Boston in January). Through no effort on their part, the icing on Briana's cake was pink and green. Dad, Stacy, and I got a kick out of that since those are your sorority colors.
Per your instructions, we call Grandma and Aunt Pat at least once a month. Grandma will be 90 this year. We talked to her tonight. She and Aunt Pat were really excited about Barack Obama's inauguration. She (Grandma) said that she never thought she would live to see a Black President of the United States. Truth be told, I did not think I would live to see a Black President of the United States. I echo Michelle Obama's sentiment that there have been few times that I have been prouder to live in the United States. Mind you, I was not going to give up my citizenship and leave no matter how I felt about the country.
I think it is amazing that Barack Obama won North Carolina and Virginia. In Virginia, where we had Robert E. Lee/Martin Luther King Jr Day, more people voted for a Black man than for a decorated war hero. I remember when you told me you mentioned to a woman that your son went to Duke and the next question out of the woman's mouth was "What sport does he play?". I remember when you told me a Black woman came to the door and asked to speak to the woman of the house. She did not believe you when you repeatedly told her that you were, in fact, the woman of the house and yes, you understood that meant the owner. You were both the woman of the house and the owner. It took you almost slamming the door in her face before she believed you. You had such patience because I know at that time it took effort to walk to the door and stand in the foyer talking but I bet you were never rude, that was not your way. I wonder what Jesse Helms thought about Barack Obama winning North Carolina.
You would be proud of Dad. He is getting out and being social. Since your death, we have seen him every three months or so. Recently, he had a stent put in to alleviate an 85% blockage of an artery. We are encouraging him to make some lifestyle changes but, as you know, it takes time to bring him around. He misses you. He misses having a dining companion. The man's idea of a salad is coleslaw. For the record, that is not a proper salad. We went down to Tallahassee for Christmas. We were going to have him come up here for Christmas but nobody leaves Florida to come to Michigan in the Winter. We (Stacy) enjoyed the sun so much we stayed a few extra days. On New Year's Day, we learned that Carol died the day before. I think that broke Dad's heart. I was glad we were with him for the news. Both he and Stacy took it pretty hard given the loss of you and the time of the year. Add the fact that Carol introduced you to Dad, again, and it was hard. Dad flew to Buffalo and Stacy and I drove to Buffalo for the funeral. Dad participated in the funeral (Jim really wanted him there). He told everyone about you and Carol and people enjoyed it (as much as anything can be enjoyed at a funeral).
We are getting along. We always think of you. We still laugh at your jokes and ways. I am really glad you were experiencing the best health of your adulthood, if not your life. It just makes me happy that you, as an artist, experienced the world through good eyes and experienced what it felt like to walk the mall and not have to sit down and rest every 15 minutes.
The day you died I was on my first "Worst Day of the Year" ride. What an understatement.
Love,
Your son, the image of your husband but with your personality.
David
One week before the anniversary of your death, Barack Obama was sworn in as President of the United States. It was quite the occasion. I am sure in the past there were inauguration concerts and hoopla but this was insane. Friends in Maryland went to the DC Mall to see it live and so did a guy from work.
It is sad that you and Carol were not here to see it. As you know, she died on the last day of 2008. I may never forget, I hope I do not, that you told me to call Carol more often during 2007 and 2008 because she may not have that much more time left. I remember you paused when you said that. I knew the thought made you sad. You let it sink in for a minute and then you were done with the sadness. I did as I was told and I am glad I did. Well now she is telling you stories and you are there to laugh at them just like the old days.
Everyone is doing pretty well. You would be really proud of Stacy. There is not a week that goes by when she does not tell me she misses you and how she wishes she could call you. I think she really misses having someone who really understands the crazy things her husband says. She feels like she had more to learn about me from the source. Mike and Suzi had a baby. They named her Briana Pamela. She was christened in January on your birthday. It was cold but a nice event, even though it snowed (it was Boston in January). Through no effort on their part, the icing on Briana's cake was pink and green. Dad, Stacy, and I got a kick out of that since those are your sorority colors.
Per your instructions, we call Grandma and Aunt Pat at least once a month. Grandma will be 90 this year. We talked to her tonight. She and Aunt Pat were really excited about Barack Obama's inauguration. She (Grandma) said that she never thought she would live to see a Black President of the United States. Truth be told, I did not think I would live to see a Black President of the United States. I echo Michelle Obama's sentiment that there have been few times that I have been prouder to live in the United States. Mind you, I was not going to give up my citizenship and leave no matter how I felt about the country.
I think it is amazing that Barack Obama won North Carolina and Virginia. In Virginia, where we had Robert E. Lee/Martin Luther King Jr Day, more people voted for a Black man than for a decorated war hero. I remember when you told me you mentioned to a woman that your son went to Duke and the next question out of the woman's mouth was "What sport does he play?". I remember when you told me a Black woman came to the door and asked to speak to the woman of the house. She did not believe you when you repeatedly told her that you were, in fact, the woman of the house and yes, you understood that meant the owner. You were both the woman of the house and the owner. It took you almost slamming the door in her face before she believed you. You had such patience because I know at that time it took effort to walk to the door and stand in the foyer talking but I bet you were never rude, that was not your way. I wonder what Jesse Helms thought about Barack Obama winning North Carolina.
You would be proud of Dad. He is getting out and being social. Since your death, we have seen him every three months or so. Recently, he had a stent put in to alleviate an 85% blockage of an artery. We are encouraging him to make some lifestyle changes but, as you know, it takes time to bring him around. He misses you. He misses having a dining companion. The man's idea of a salad is coleslaw. For the record, that is not a proper salad. We went down to Tallahassee for Christmas. We were going to have him come up here for Christmas but nobody leaves Florida to come to Michigan in the Winter. We (Stacy) enjoyed the sun so much we stayed a few extra days. On New Year's Day, we learned that Carol died the day before. I think that broke Dad's heart. I was glad we were with him for the news. Both he and Stacy took it pretty hard given the loss of you and the time of the year. Add the fact that Carol introduced you to Dad, again, and it was hard. Dad flew to Buffalo and Stacy and I drove to Buffalo for the funeral. Dad participated in the funeral (Jim really wanted him there). He told everyone about you and Carol and people enjoyed it (as much as anything can be enjoyed at a funeral).
We are getting along. We always think of you. We still laugh at your jokes and ways. I am really glad you were experiencing the best health of your adulthood, if not your life. It just makes me happy that you, as an artist, experienced the world through good eyes and experienced what it felt like to walk the mall and not have to sit down and rest every 15 minutes.
The day you died I was on my first "Worst Day of the Year" ride. What an understatement.
Love,
Your son, the image of your husband but with your personality.
David
Monday, January 19, 2009
Human worth
This is something I am trying to flesh out. Comments are always welcome on my posts but I encourage readers to comment on this one (read: please comment on my blog, please oh please). No pressure though. This will not be the most logical post but I have to get this out.
Why do we have the need to feel better than someone else? Why not just feel personal value and assume that if you have value others have value? Rudeness might be abolished if more people thought about this and acted accordingly.
I recently read a book called "Money Shot: Wild Nights and Lonely Days inside the Black Porn Industry". Overall, I thought this was a quick read and enjoyable. It gave some insight into the lives of actors and actresses in the porn industry, particularly Black actors and actresses. One thing that stood out to me were the various actors talking about condom use in the porn industry. One actor stated something that seemed so obvious but really, really sad. I think it speaks to how we, as a culture, devalue certain people and it supports our extreme discomfort with our cultural sexuality.
When asked why there was no mandatory condom use in the straight porn industry. (According to the book, gay porn uses condoms.) The actor replied that consumers think of them (the actors) as beneath them and valued the enjoyment of their fantasy over the safety of the actors. The actors have regular HIV and STD tests and must have the results with them to work on most, if not all, films, but no condoms. One major company, according to the book, does require condoms but the others feel that condom use would not sell.
----The logic put forth by the non-condom use companies reminds me of the logic of GM and Chrysler used for not making good small cars. Even though another company is showing that small cars (condom porn) can sell, they still say it will not.
The author challenged asked Mr. Hammer, why the actor and actresses do not band together and demand it. Mr. Hammer said that there are too many people and there would be many people who would go without condoms for more money. Initially, I let this slide but then I thought that is a terrible reason for not banding together. Just because some people want to ride in their cars without using the seat belt does not mean that seat belt use should not be mandatory. I think both the companies and the actors and actresses should take responsibility for this. It seems like a bad economic model to put your stars at risk, unnecessarily.
I do not believe fantasies would be ruined by condoms. They could use practically transparent condoms so one could believe that there was no condom. Also, they could use the spray-on condom. I am a little suspicious of aerosol contraception, but to each their own if it works. This goes along with my response to those who say that using condoms is some great barrier to pleasure. You are not doing right. Okay, that did not really go along with that but I wanted to say it anyway.
If you knew that you could give up 5% of your enjoyment and it would increase an other's safety by 50% (not a factually based statistic but a good percentage), then who would say nope 95% is not enough.
I have heard, from anonymous sources of course ;), that porn is not even that interesting. So, why not think of others. I think this speaks to the larger issue of how we do not embrace the idea of '...there but for the grace of God, go I.' I find it is amazing that a legal endeavor has such a stigma. Pornography is a multi-million possibly billion dollar industry but everyone is appalled by it and no one watches it.
I think we (the culture) are not big on letting people do what they want as long as it is legal. We have tons of examples of this and everyone is outraged for the egregious examples but we are silent for the everyday transgressions. We are outraged by sodomy laws in Texas but ignore de facto laws in our 'backyard'.
Think about this, twenty years from now, what would happen if someone broke in to a politician's house and found a video of the politician and spouse during intimate moments and made it public? I would say good for the couple, but how many people would be aghast at such behavior? Some might say that they should not have made the video, but I say that whatever they like, they like. It is their business not the business of the public and the video should not have been stolen in the first place. It is like you come in my house, I have the bathroom door closed, you walk in on me getting out of the shower, and you are upset that I was naked.
On a side note, I do not think MySpace and/or Facebook should be used in hiring decisions. I think that it is an invasion of privacy. We should not be required to check our ideas and preferences when we walk in to work. We should be required to be respectful, but not lose our individual voices. People have been doing stupid things in their youth since the dawn of time but the internet generation is paying a higher price.
Why do we have the need to feel better than someone else? Why not just feel personal value and assume that if you have value others have value? Rudeness might be abolished if more people thought about this and acted accordingly.
I recently read a book called "Money Shot: Wild Nights and Lonely Days inside the Black Porn Industry". Overall, I thought this was a quick read and enjoyable. It gave some insight into the lives of actors and actresses in the porn industry, particularly Black actors and actresses. One thing that stood out to me were the various actors talking about condom use in the porn industry. One actor stated something that seemed so obvious but really, really sad. I think it speaks to how we, as a culture, devalue certain people and it supports our extreme discomfort with our cultural sexuality.
Unfortunately, it's the fans fault. They don't see us as human beings and instead see us as being the dregs of society, so they don't care what happens to us..But if the fans didn't react so negatively to condom scenes we could change like the gay industry.'--Sinnamon Love (p. 94)
What I don't like is that the majority of Americans don't like seeing guys wearing a condom. Some companies are condom mandatory, but if I say that I'm going to do nothing but condom-only shoots, then I'll start getting cut out of gigs..What would make the companies change would be if a guy buys a tape where he sees a girl that is so hot, that it doesn't matter if the guy wears a condom. But that's not happening now because the fans are communicating directly to the companies that they dislike condom movies. So we put our lives at risk.--Sledge Hammer (p. 220)
When asked why there was no mandatory condom use in the straight porn industry. (According to the book, gay porn uses condoms.) The actor replied that consumers think of them (the actors) as beneath them and valued the enjoyment of their fantasy over the safety of the actors. The actors have regular HIV and STD tests and must have the results with them to work on most, if not all, films, but no condoms. One major company, according to the book, does require condoms but the others feel that condom use would not sell.
----The logic put forth by the non-condom use companies reminds me of the logic of GM and Chrysler used for not making good small cars. Even though another company is showing that small cars (condom porn) can sell, they still say it will not.
The author challenged asked Mr. Hammer, why the actor and actresses do not band together and demand it. Mr. Hammer said that there are too many people and there would be many people who would go without condoms for more money. Initially, I let this slide but then I thought that is a terrible reason for not banding together. Just because some people want to ride in their cars without using the seat belt does not mean that seat belt use should not be mandatory. I think both the companies and the actors and actresses should take responsibility for this. It seems like a bad economic model to put your stars at risk, unnecessarily.
I do not believe fantasies would be ruined by condoms. They could use practically transparent condoms so one could believe that there was no condom. Also, they could use the spray-on condom. I am a little suspicious of aerosol contraception, but to each their own if it works. This goes along with my response to those who say that using condoms is some great barrier to pleasure. You are not doing right. Okay, that did not really go along with that but I wanted to say it anyway.
If you knew that you could give up 5% of your enjoyment and it would increase an other's safety by 50% (not a factually based statistic but a good percentage), then who would say nope 95% is not enough.
I have heard, from anonymous sources of course ;), that porn is not even that interesting. So, why not think of others. I think this speaks to the larger issue of how we do not embrace the idea of '...there but for the grace of God, go I.' I find it is amazing that a legal endeavor has such a stigma. Pornography is a multi-million possibly billion dollar industry but everyone is appalled by it and no one watches it.
I think we (the culture) are not big on letting people do what they want as long as it is legal. We have tons of examples of this and everyone is outraged for the egregious examples but we are silent for the everyday transgressions. We are outraged by sodomy laws in Texas but ignore de facto laws in our 'backyard'.
Think about this, twenty years from now, what would happen if someone broke in to a politician's house and found a video of the politician and spouse during intimate moments and made it public? I would say good for the couple, but how many people would be aghast at such behavior? Some might say that they should not have made the video, but I say that whatever they like, they like. It is their business not the business of the public and the video should not have been stolen in the first place. It is like you come in my house, I have the bathroom door closed, you walk in on me getting out of the shower, and you are upset that I was naked.
On a side note, I do not think MySpace and/or Facebook should be used in hiring decisions. I think that it is an invasion of privacy. We should not be required to check our ideas and preferences when we walk in to work. We should be required to be respectful, but not lose our individual voices. People have been doing stupid things in their youth since the dawn of time but the internet generation is paying a higher price.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
It's hard to let go, huh?
I have many stories since the last time I blogged. What I want to relate today is what I am going through now. This past Christmas was the first one without my mother's physical presence. Overall, it was a happy one. We remembered, we joked, and we eventually put the tree up. For background, the Mrs. and I went to Florida to spend Christmas with the Reverend. We were supposed to come back on December 29th but the weather was so nice and the weather in Michigan so crappy we decided to come back on January 1st. It was good we made that decision.
Everything happens for a reason, sometimes.
On New Year's Eve, we called my godmother and her family to wish her a happy New Year. She has been battling first breast cancer and then leukemia brought on by the breast cancer. She introduced my parents to one another for dating (I think they had met years earlier because their mothers played bridge or something together) and she was my mother's best friend. Anyway, we did not reach them that night but my godfather called us back on New Year's day to tell us that my godmother died. That alone would have been sad enough, but it also served as a reminder that my mother died and I remembered that she (mom) told me about 1.5 years ago that I should call my godmother more because she (mom) did think she (godmother) had much more time left.
Sad very, very sad.
I would describe myself as lacking in emotional affect, at times (January through December). That being the case, I tend to express my feelings and emotions through words more than gestures. (As I write this I think I am wrong but whatever). Anyway, we returned home and then today I went to get a massage. I really needed it. I could not relax to save my life. I was tight in places I am normally not tight and my normal tight places were even tighter. At one point, I was remarking on and acknowledging my tightness with the goddess of massage and she said "It's hard to let go, huh?". I felt these words were so true. There were times during my massage that I feared letting go because I would cry. There were moments of letting go but those moments were few.
Massage, particularly done by professional, is a very intimate (not to be confused with sexual or sensual) act. I felt bad because I knew the goddess of massage could feel my sadness. If we were the only ones in the room, I probably would have let go more and possibly cried but I felt the curtain did not provide adequate privacy for me to feel comfortable in that way. In the end, she did a great massage and despite my best efforts in the end I felt very relaxed and relieved.
Funny note, to me at least: She was moving my underwear to get at my glutes and she ripped each leg of my underwear. She kept apologizing but I thought it was really funny because she ripped one leg and then went to work on other side and ripped the other leg. I am laughing about it even now.
Everything happens for a reason, sometimes.
On New Year's Eve, we called my godmother and her family to wish her a happy New Year. She has been battling first breast cancer and then leukemia brought on by the breast cancer. She introduced my parents to one another for dating (I think they had met years earlier because their mothers played bridge or something together) and she was my mother's best friend. Anyway, we did not reach them that night but my godfather called us back on New Year's day to tell us that my godmother died. That alone would have been sad enough, but it also served as a reminder that my mother died and I remembered that she (mom) told me about 1.5 years ago that I should call my godmother more because she (mom) did think she (godmother) had much more time left.
Sad very, very sad.
I would describe myself as lacking in emotional affect, at times (January through December). That being the case, I tend to express my feelings and emotions through words more than gestures. (As I write this I think I am wrong but whatever). Anyway, we returned home and then today I went to get a massage. I really needed it. I could not relax to save my life. I was tight in places I am normally not tight and my normal tight places were even tighter. At one point, I was remarking on and acknowledging my tightness with the goddess of massage and she said "It's hard to let go, huh?". I felt these words were so true. There were times during my massage that I feared letting go because I would cry. There were moments of letting go but those moments were few.
Massage, particularly done by professional, is a very intimate (not to be confused with sexual or sensual) act. I felt bad because I knew the goddess of massage could feel my sadness. If we were the only ones in the room, I probably would have let go more and possibly cried but I felt the curtain did not provide adequate privacy for me to feel comfortable in that way. In the end, she did a great massage and despite my best efforts in the end I felt very relaxed and relieved.
Funny note, to me at least: She was moving my underwear to get at my glutes and she ripped each leg of my underwear. She kept apologizing but I thought it was really funny because she ripped one leg and then went to work on other side and ripped the other leg. I am laughing about it even now.
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