The icing on the cake

The Mrs. iced the cake with white icing and rainbow sprinkles.

I iced the cake with chocolate icing and the smattering of rainbow sprinkles. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how to the get icing to spread on the side.

I rest my case on how little aesthetics matter to me.

NOTE: In the interest of disclosure, the chocolate icing is a homemade dark chocolate icing made by the Mrs. where the white icing is made by Duncan Hines. However, the Mrs. iced another cake with the dark chocolate icing and it looked as nice as the white icing.

Mall trauma drama

I went to Sears to look at 3-season jackets. I have a Winter dress coat and a Winter parka but I do not have a jacket that works for Fall and Spring. I looked at the REI and the Land's End sites and decided that I wanted to try on some jackets. I went to Sears, in the mall, because they sell Land's End clothing in the store. I looked at a few things and then I decided for going to the mall I should reward myself by getting a pretzel from Auntie Anne's. This is where the trouble starts.

When I go into the mall the 'please separate me from my money' sign starts flashing on my forehead and chest. It is bright and blinks so that the kiosk people can make adequate preparations for my arrival. So, I pass by the Deep Sea Minerals kiosk. I know the Deep Sea Minerals products well they products come directly from the Dead Sea and possess the famed beneficial effects of the Dead Sea. My last two dealings with them ended with me feeling bad about not buying their product one time and leaving with their product another time.

As always they ask "Excuse me sir do you have a moment?". I almost never in a hurry and I always have a proverbial minute, so here we go. Remember, I have had prior dealings with Deep Sea Minerals.

Kiosker: Hello sir, how are you today?

Me: Oh, I am well. How are you?

Kiosker: I am fine. Thank you for asking. Are you married?

Me: Yes, I am.

Kiosker: Please give me your hand. I want to show you something.

Me: Okay.

Kiosker: (Buffs my thumbnail and oils my thumb cuticle). Sir, see how shiny your nail is. This is without polish. See? Isn't that great?

Me: Yes, it is great. (Waiting for the sell).

Kiosker: Well, you can get all of this plus the oil for $39.99 and if you buy two you get the third for free. What do you think? It would make a great Christmas present for you wife.

Me: Well, I think I will pass.
[What I should have said is the following:

No, it would not make a great Christmas present for my wife. My wife hates it when I spend our hard earned money on mall kiosk sh*t. In fact, buying mall kiosk sh*t is the reason why I was not allowed to go the mall by myself for two months (this was self-imposed).]

Kiosker: Well, let me tell you what I will do. I had a woman buy two but she did not want her third so I can give you one for half off (It may have been a third off whatever.)

Every time you say 'no' there is always someone who did not want the third.

1. If someone really spent the money to buy two why would they not take the free one.
2. It is free why would I pay for the free one?

Me: No, thank you. (I leave.)

Deep Sea Minerals 1, David 2--Victory is mine! Go, David!

I continued on to Auntie Anne's and rewarded myself with a pretzel and medium lemonade to celebrate my victory over the forces that wish to separate me from my money.

Bad, bad hair

I was on a mission to find shredded carrots at Meijer. I first went to Whole Foods and they had no shredded carrots. They had whole carrots, baby carrots, and whole skinned carrots. Of course, they had organic and non-organic of all of these carrot incarnations but no shredded carrots. I did find and buy more lip balm. I have a problem. I will now list my current lip balm holdings:

Chapstick Lip Butter (five butters to be exact) [2-4]--I have a special ability to lose these and then find them a month later, so the actual number is not known.
Desert Essence Lip Rescue Shea Butter [2 (1 at the office)]
Badger Creamy Cocoa Cocoa Butter Lip Balm [1]
ICPSR Lip Balm (free) [2]
Burt's Bees Lifeguard's Choice Waterproofing Lip Balm[2 (1 in each bike bag)]
Kiss My Face Sport Lip Balm (SPF 30) [1]
Lizard Lips Original (SPF 15) [1]
Another SPF 15 balm whereabouts in the house unknown [1]

Total (at a minimum): 12, yes twelve

Back to the carrots.

Having not found shredded carrots at Whole Foods, I went to Meijer. I do not know what the markets have against shredded carrots, but the only shredded carrots I could find were packaged with broccoli or with shredded cabbage. I bought those. We needed detergent so I went to the back of the store to the detergent aisle. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am easily distracted and I love grocery shopping. While walking down the main back aisle I looked down every aisle. Big mistake. I was walking minding my own business when I look to my right and I see the hairiest backside I have ever seen. I will be haunted by the sight of butt crack and hair just taking up the whole aisle, an exaggeration. It is one thing if someone is kneeling down or bending over but this guy was standing up.

1. Pull up your pants.
2. If your butt is that hairy, going commando (I am assuming) should be illegal. I know we should not have laws that single out one particular population but this is for the greater good. We should think of the children and those with vivid imagery.
   

After this, I went to check-out. I passed a couple at the self check-out lane. The male of the couple had quite possibly the worst and most-obvious hairpiece one could have. Bald is beautiful, bad hairpieces are pathetic. If you have a funny shaped head, get a cool hat or good hair.

Just say no to bad hairpieces, With your help, we can stop the spread of bad hair. While we are at it, we should get rid of the transvestite/transsexual wig. You know what I am talking about.

One final thought: I think the term 'gender reassignment' is incorrect. One does not need surgery to change gender. It should be 'sex reassignment'. Why are we so afraid of the word 'sex'. Why do academics participate in this linguistic travesty?

Let it snow or is that rain, it is snain

Today I did my part to help Michigan's economy and support career changes by getting a massage at the Ann Arbor Institute of Massage Therapy (AAIMT). This was my third or fourth massage at AAIMT. It was my first massage with this particular masseuse. She is a truly gifted woman of small stature. I mention her stature because she, like many small-statured female massage therapists, seems to really get excited by working on a muscular body. I am no body builder but I have some left over musculature from working out. It has been my experience that small-statured female massage therapists see large muscles and think they can go to town. The therapists put their all into working my legs. It hurts during and feels great afterwards.

I think massage is S&M for the non-adventurous. Basically, it goes like this:
--------------------------------
Oh, this hurts. Breath deeply. Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Breathe. Oh, she is killing me. Ooh. Breathe. Breathe. Oh, she is really killing me. Ooh, ouch, ooh. Ouch. God, I do not think I going to make it through this. Oh, this hurts. This is painful.

Oh, we're done. When is your next available appointment? I cannot wait.
---------------------------------
Everyone should treat him- or herself to a massage. It requires no reciprocation except for a tip. You can tell the massage therapist exactly what you want and they will do it. Wonderful.

On a light note

My last post was pretty personal to say the least. Like many things, I thought it was a good idea at the time mostly because I did not think and just wrote from my heart. Generally, I discourage myself from expressing emotion in the first person. However, I am more likely to write from the heart than talk from the heart.

"Sometimes force of will is enough."--This is not a quote, at least not an attributable one. It makes sense, though. Sometimes the person who wins or succeeds is not the most gifted but the most stubborn or persistent.

Now for something completely different...

Why must everything be so immediate? By everything I mean my new cellular/mobile phone. Recently, I bought a new phone. This phone has a qwerty keyboard. Initially, I was resistant to text messaging. Then I had a wonderful revelation. If I send people text messages then I do not have to talk on the phone. This is great, dare I say fantastic. I love my new phone. I can send and read text message tomes.

An aside: I was in line at the public library and the person next to me used the word nonplussed in a conversation with her pre-teen daughter. Super cool.

I love my phone even though for the first few times someone called me I could not figure out how to answer the phone. It took me two days to figure out the shift key on my phone. Yesterday, I figured out that the usability specialists at the phone manufacturer thought it would be a great idea to make connecting the web as easy as a touch of directional button. Cost of web access $2 per megabyte. So, yesterday I pulled my phone out its case to see that I had been connected to the web for 17 minutes. Aaaagggghhhh!

I will now describe that moment.
-------------------------
Getting out of his car at home, he hears a funny chirping noise. He is puzzled. He searches for the source of the chirp. He realizes that it is his phone. He pulls out his phone and sees the web connection time. Upon seeing the connected time, he not so calmly hits the disconnect button. While disconnecting he utters a string of expletives. Many of his utterances start with "son of ..." and "what the...".
-------------------------

Upon my realization, I spent the next 20 minutes, postponing dinner mind you, figuring out how to reprogram the directional keys on my phone. Then, I spent the next 24 hours wondering what kind of sadistic, insidious individual makes one of the few things for which you cannot get a plan activated at the touch of a button.

May a mildly uncomfortable pox that has no lasting detrimental effects fall on that person's house.

Thank you everyone who responded to my last post whether with a comment or a personal message. You are my friends and since I have a hard time keeping friends and I am still working that out, please know this. I care deeply for my friends (you) and your friendship means more to me than I can ever express verbally or face to face. Now openness and heartfelt sentiments can be ended.

Never in My Lifetime

Based on the early counts, it looks like the United States has just elected Barack Obama as its 44th president. I remember months ago Whoopi Goldberg said on 'The View' that younger African-Americans may not understand that people of her generation never imagined that a Black man would even have a realistic chance at being President of the United States. I, a 34 year old man, never thought I would see the day when an African-American became President of the United States, unless it was on '24' and even then I was shocked.

What really strikes me is that our grandmothers who turned 90 and 89 this year have lived to see this moment. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have experienced segregation and Jim Crow, to see cars and computers become the norm, to have lost their husbands and some of their children, and to see a Black man become President. My grandmother-in-law experienced racism firsthand not once but decades of her life. My grandmother and her husband, my grandfather, moved from their home state of Virginia to Buffalo, NY in order to get the best care for their first-born daughter, my mother. They knew that in the late 1940's, they could not get the best care possible for their little Black baby in Virginia so they moved without hesitation. Both of our grandmothers saw their children and grandchildren earn college degrees and start families and careers.

I cannot help but think about my mother who died earlier this year. She died weeks before the Florida primary election. Since she had her pace maker put in and her cataracts removed, she felt she had the energy and visual acuity to be more involved. She was going to be a poll worker. She was excited about playing a role in the election process beyond being a voter. She was so proud of herself. I remember when she called me at work to talk about her poll worker application. She was almost giddy but very serious because she wanted to make sure she submitted the best application she could so that she would be selected. I know if she had lived to fulfill her poll worker duties, she would have gotten up early that morning and driven herself to the polling place in her new Camry. She was planning what food she needed to bring with her so she could keep her eating schedule. She was ready but her plans were derailed.

Upon our return from her funeral, her Florida poll worker shirt arrived in the mail. She too never thought she would see the day the an African-American would be elected President of the United States. Unfortunately, she did not.

I have never missed her more than this day at this moment.
------------------------------------------------
For the record, John McCain is showing real, genuine class in his concession speech. It is the best, and possibly the most important speech he has given of his campaign. I think he did a fantastic job.

I have little ankles

The title has nothing to do with my post but I do have small ankles. In fact, I have small joints like my mother. Overall, it is okay because it makes my muscles look bigger. The only downside is that it seems that I have to continue strengthening the muscles around my joints because they do not handle my weight as well I think they should.

To the left is a picture of me, from Halloween this year.

Some people thought I was Bagger Vance. While I think it is a compliment to be compared to Will Smith, I was not Bagger Vance. When I conceived of the costume, one of my sore spots was that I might be mistaken for a Black caddie but I got over it. Originally, I was going for a 1920's or 1930's paperboy. Some people got it. Otherwise, I was just a black guy from the 1920's or 1930's. In some ways, with the reading glasses, I was going for my inner old timer.

Some people just inquired about my costume and others seemed to be really concerned that I was not scary or I was not very defined. I have never been scary for Halloween. I do not do scary for Halloween. Just like roller coasters and horror movies, life is scary enough without introducing artificial terror. Over the years, I have gone as superheroes, knights, kings, and cowboys. I like historic period costumes.

When I bike, you bike, we bike...and eat

Bless me, it has been five days since my last blog post. Today I rode with the Ann Arbor Bicycle Touring Society (AABTS). We rode 35 miles (actually 33.04). It was a small but determined group. I was the youngest member of today's ride. I figure probably there was only 20 years age difference between me and the next youngest ride participant. We rode from Whittaker Rd in Ypsilanti, MI to Belleville. Along the way we rode through Lower Huron MetroPark and then stopped at what I was told would be Red Robin, a chain restaurant. Instead, we stopped at Red Apple restaurant. Red Apple is a quaint local establishment in Belleville.

As we rode into Belleville, I prayed that I would not see anyone from my job. A few people from work live in Belleville and I did not want this to be the day that they see me in biker shorts. One of the cool (sarcasm) parts of the day was walking into a crowded restaurant and walking through the dining room in brightly colored cycling clothing. As I was walking to the restroom, a couple asked me was I part of a bike trip. I replied "yes" and because I am very self-conscious about walking around in biker shorts I added or "...or else I would be wearing real pants". They seemed to enjoy my humor.

Overall, it was a slow ride but a fun ride. The members of the touring society are nuts like many other Ann Arbor groups. They are not as crazy as the Ann Arbor Camera Club because they recognize you might have a life outside of cycling.

One thing I have noticed about the AABTS is that they eat a lot. Every ride they have, they eat. I understand that nourishment is important for sustaining one's energy but goodness gracious. These people have four course meals in the middle of rides. I am exaggerating but not by much. When I ride, I eat before the ride, snack during the ride, and eat a meal after the ride. AABTS will meet before the ride and eat, ride to their destination, a restaurant, and eat, and then assure each other upon returning home that they will take a nap and eat.

Me and the Mrs.

Below are excerpts of today's morning conversations.

Both of us at the bathroom sink getting ready in the morning.

The Mrs.: I am throwing this Carol's Daughter cream out because it smells funny.

Me: Okay, why are you telling me?

(Pause followed by the Mrs. giving me the 'Oh you know' look)

Me: Oh, I know. That is so I do not go into the trash, like I normally do, and put your discards in my hair product drawer.

The Mrs.: Thank you. Looking at me like you didn't know what I talking about knowing full well you do your hair product shopping from the stuff I throw away.

Fade to black.

Still getting ready in the bathroom.

Me: (Standing in the bathroom looking at hair care product) Do you think my naturally curly hair could be brittle?

The Mrs.: (No response, just smiles, shakes her, and continues getting dressed).

Me: Hmm. I guess not.

Fade to black

In the kitchen before we leave the house.

Me: You know this Badger cuticle cream is better than the Burt's Bees stuff.

(I proceed to apply the cuticle cream to my cuticles.)

I look at her with the 'I am serious, want some?' look.

The Mrs. stretches out her hand.

Me: (As I am applying the cuticle cream to her cuticles). See what I mean? Feel that, isn't it nice?

The END.

Oh my god, I cannot believe it is you!!

This past Sunday, I attempted to join the bike ride to the Cider Mill in Dexter, Michigan. From last week's escapade, I knew where to meet people and when to meet people. I arrived at the specified location at the specified time and...no one was there. The announcement did not say one had to RSVP or let them know I was coming but I think next week, if I do it, I will call the bike shop on Saturday.

Anyway, I decided I was already dressed in my finest body lump revealing biking clothes so I went for a ride. My goal was to ride to the furthest away of three Metro Parks which would have covered a little under 26 miles in total. I started on my way, after calling the Mrs. and letting her know my goal destination. [One thing I have learned is that I can be stubborn and assert my independence and 'I am a grown ass man I do not need to tell anybody my whereabouts' or... I can have a nice tranquil day (the whole day) and let her know where I am. It seems so simple now but that was a hard lesson. I digress.]

Note(s) to any cyclists out there...:

1. leg warmers are funny looking in the store but wonderful during the ride. They allow you to wear your padded cycling shorts through three seasons and stay warm.
2. gravel on the side of the road is not your friend. I swerved to avoid probably a slight bump in the road and almost ended up splayed out on the road (in a curve not very visible to cars despite my stylish orange biking jacket). My tires are at best 1.5 inches thick they are not made for gravel or potholes.
3. if you do triathlons or duathlons, your friends will not understand your excitement when you see someone you think was on the cover of Triathlon magazine. (A) People who do triathlons or duathlons must be 'touched'. (B) They did not know there was a triathlon magazine. (C) Who in the world would read a whole magazine about triathlons? (D) The only people crazier than triathletes and duathletes are triathletes and duathletes who read about other triathletes and duathletes.
4. accept the fact that you will never, I mean never, look cool to your non-cycling friends when you are in your cycling attire. Remember, though, to politely ask them to keep their eyes above your waist and for them to consider that it was kind of cold that day (think George Constanza).

It looked like a mighty storm was approaching (or really I was approaching a mighty storm) so I stopped the ride about 11 miles out and returned. On my return, I stopped and stretched. A women on a sweet triathlon bike rode by going the other direction. I mention her because she was going the direction I had just come from but toward the end of my ride, she passed me, actually she blew by me, but she was really nice about it. I was in awe.

As I was loading up my bike, we engaged in delightful cycling banter and she told me about the time she was doing an Ironman event and was in the last leg, the run. She was running neck and neck with another woman for first. One would pull slightly ahead and then the other one would pull slightly ahead. Well, the finish line was in sight and they were giving their all, when the woman I was talking to said she fell. She fell four feet from the finish line, not four yards, not four meters, four feet from the finish line. She told me this story in response to my query about whether or not she was one of those people I see on the cover of Triathlon magazine. She said 'no' but she was in the paper for her falling four feet from the finish line.

Brothels, good work if you can get it?--Uh...no

Last night I went to the bar with some co-workers (read people whose timesheets I sign). At some point, the discussion turned to the Bunny Ranch in Nevada and the show that is on HBO about the Bunny Ranch. For those who do not know, the Bunny Ranch is a legal brothel run by a man that looks like Mr. Carlson of WKRP (aka the Maytag Man of the 2000's) trying to channel the mind of Hugh Hefner.

I recounted an episode that I remembered where a husband and wife made a decision that the best option to earn extra money was for the wife to work at the Bunny Ranch. The husband had a full-time job but with the kids and rising costs, money was not stretching as far as it used to. From a purely economic standpoint, I guess their decision made sense. She could work during the day and still be back home before the kids get home or maybe she was working nights when the kids were in bed. I would think daytime sex work might be in less demand. Anyway, it is a legal profession and she admitted that she dropped out of high school and did not do any apprenticeships or anything. According to her, she was unskilled and working at the brothel was more lucrative than waitressing and with less standing. The less standing makes me chuckle but I have the maturity of a twelve-year-old, at times. I stated that in order for a couple to make that decision, they must have been in dire straits.

I have been thinking about what would lead a couple to that decision and what about that decision did I object to. What really are spousal rights as far as the other spouse's activities? Spouses do not own each other. On top of that, the difference between spouses and friends with privileges is the emotional commitment and shared life, so how important is physical sexual exclusivity? If the couple can deal with any jealousy issues that may arise, many couples have when it comes to looking the other way as far as flings and dalliances, then why not?

For me, this is an intellectual exercise because I could neither be in the wife's nor the husband's position. However, I am really trying to pin down my objection. I have to have a better reason than 'it is just wrong'.

More sadness about the election.

Before I talk about my riding, something I love. I want to talk about something I loathe. Last week, CNN ran a story about a California Republican group whose president sent out a newsletter depicting Barack Obama on a food stamp with fried chicken, watermelon, and Kool-Aid. She found the image on the internet. If you go to the link below, you will see she plans to apologize to her own group and she says that it was supposed to be a parody about a statement Senator Obama made about not looking like the presidents on US dollar bills. I like the fact that she stepped up and apologized. When this initially broke, her and her family denied both that the statement was racist and the images were associated with African-American stereotypes.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/newsandviews/2008/10gop_mailing_is_mouth_watering.html?ft=1

1) Where has her family been for the last 100 years?

2) Her daughter, who is an adult, said that her mother could not be a racist because her father is Mexican. Unfortunately, people still think that minorities (now underrepresented populations) can be as racist as everyone and anyone. Please see my consternation with the response to the Black McCain supporter.

3) Why would she even go there? If her group did not contain African-Americans this may not have come to light. I am perplexed how at this point anyone could think that would be cool. Why not just argue on the issues or make fun of his ears or something? This is offensive to Republicans, Democrats, Independents, etc. I have wasted a blog post on this.

One thing this is showing us is that racial, ideological, and sexual (more gender than sexuality, prejudices about sexuality are not news) prejudices and divisions still exists. I think the country will take a while to recover from this.

For the record, I actually think John McCain really abhors this. If you look, you can see it in his eyes and face. He knows how much this hurt because the Bush campaign used similar tactics against him in 2000 regarding his wife and his adopted Bangladeshi child.

I wonder if when people see themselves on television or go to work after their co-workers have seen them on television they feel remorse for what they say or if they even own and acknowledge what they say.

This reminds me of something I said in high school in a history or politics class. I said the biggest difference between the North and the South is that Southerners let you know, not rudely actually very politely, that you are not welcome. As said as that is, it is refreshing to know what you are dealing with as opposed to veiled prejudices or prejudices explained by some unrelated fact.

Chocolate Turtles

Before I forget, my bike and I fell today. Please note the previous sentence. I did not say that I that I fell off of my bike. I did fall down, however. I was on my bike and stopped at a stop sign. I leaned my bike to the right like I normally do at a stop. I must have been thinking about where I was going to go next because unfortunately, unlike normal, I did not clip my right foot out so I just fell over. I was so preoccupied I did not try to brace myself. Luckily the ground was soft (and wet) and my biker shorts did not have any holes in them because somehow I ended up on the ground with my feet straight up in the air and my arms splayed out. I think it must have looked pretty funny. To me the humor was bolstered by the fact that there were turtle crossing signs on the road.

Warning: Dark chocolate turtle with orange shell falling off the side of the road.

Waiting for the post mortem

I apologize to those waiting for my Spooky Sprint Duathlon post-mortem but I have been side-tracked by recent events.

During the second debate or during a town hall, an African-American gentleman asked Senator McCain when he was going to 'take it' to Senator Obama. I might have the quote wrong but you get the point. This man received hate mail that was unfathomable. He was a called a 'House Ni**er', a sell-out, and other racially specific insults. I was really saddened by this because for years people have been saying that African-Americans are not a monolith. Somehow, people forgot this and just insulted this man. I think it is fine to disagree with someone vigorously but anytime you personally insult someone you do not know, then you have driven a motorcycle off a ramp over the line.

I was so very disappointed. Please read the Essence article below. This man has not betrayed the race, he was not saying 'massa', or anything close to that. Good and reasonable people can disagree, even good and reasonable African-Americans. I do not agree with some of sentiments but I am sure we have similar goals but disagree with how to attain those goals. I think African-Americans have diverse views and beliefs. Some will vote for Senator Obama and some will vote for Senator McCain.

http://www.essence.com/news_entertainment/news/articles/mccainsupporterclearsair

I am so fit to be tied by this that I do not know what to do.

Gold Plated David

Hi,

I am David Thomas. I have gold-plated insurance. Whoo!

--------------------
My goodness I cannot take debates. I do not like contentiousness and personal attacks. It makes me uneasy.

---------------------

Memorable debates: Barry v. Kelly

Below is an excerpt from the 1994 Democratic Primary Washington, DC Mayoral debate between Marion Barry and the incumbent Sharon Pratt Kelly. Chris Rock put this in his book Rock This! (p. 159-160).
--------------------------------------------------------------

Moderator: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Constitution Hall for the first in a series of mayoral debates leading up to the election. Tonight we have the Democratic candidates.

To my right, we have Sharon Pratt Kelly, the current mayor of the District of Columbia. And to my left, Marion Barry, the former mayor and current mayoral hopeful.

I must caution you. There will be NO VIDEOTAPING! The first questions will be posed by Richard Bates of the George Washington Journal.

RB: Thank you. My question is for Mr. Barry, how do you propose to make the school system better?

MB: Well, um, that's a good question. I intend to create and finance programs that increase community and parent involvement. I think teachers, parents, and the PTA must work together to give children the support they need.

RB: And Ms. Kelly?

SPK: Well, the first thing I'm going to do is discourage kids from smoking crack. Unlike my opponent here, Count Cracula, when I raise the money for after-school programs, you can believe it's not going to end up in a glass pipe.

MODERATOR: The next question is from Ella Rodriguez of the Arlington Record.

ER: Mr. Barry, how do you propose to bring down the spiraling crime rate?

MB: First thing I'm going to do is have a curfew, requiring all minors to be indoors by eleven p.m. In terms of criminal offenses, I'll institute stricter penalties for repeat offenders.

EB: Ms. Kelly?

SPK: Stricter penalties? What are you going to do, handcuff yourself? If we had stricter penalties, you wouldn't even be here right now.

Can somebody tell me why I'm losing to this crackhead? I work hard, lead a good life, I'm educated, I play by the rules, and what happens? The race is between me and a crackhead.

And you know what? I'm not standing for it. I refuse to stand up here with a damn crackhead. You want to vote for him, vote for him. But turn your back and he'll be selling the Washington Monument for ten dollars, I'm getting out of here.

Good-bye.

MB: Now as you see, Ms. Kelly just left. That's one thing I can say to the good people of Washington. I'll never leave you. Now, if we're finished here. I'd like to invite everybody out for a drink.

-------------------
This was the actual transcript from the debate. I cannot make this up.

Ms. Kelly lost, yes lost, the primary to Mr. Barry and Marion Barry was elected to be the mayor of Washington, DC.

Spooky Sprint Duathlon

Toledo (through first 4 games opponents average 35.8 pts, today Michigan scored 10)

Today, I did the Spooky Sprint Duathlon on Belle Isle. My goal time for the race was 1 hour and 45 minutes. I exceeded my goal time by about 17 minutes. I was driving back home and was a little disappointed in my time, more so immediately after finishing than while driving. While driving it occurred to me that my goal was based on my last duathlon time of 1 hour 40 minutes. The difference between the two events is that my first duathlon was run 2 mi, bike 20k, and run 5k and this duathlon was run 5k, bike 20k, and run 5k. An extra mile was added to the first run but since I run 10 minute miles, at best, and not 5 minutes miles then my goal was ridiculous. I was still slower than I had hoped but I am also shorter than I had hoped, so whatever.

Notes on Belle Isle: Belle Isle is nice enough but MapQuest directed me through what I assume was Detroit after for the last 15 miles or so. On my way home, I realized that if I had stayed on I-94 for about 7 more miles then I could have come off the highway and gone on Jefferson and gone straight on to Belle Isle.

When I get my official splits I will do my post-mortem.

Sex Education

What is wrong with teaching a child sex education? There was a big brouhaha over some bill Senator Obama signed and/or supported that included sex education for children, particularly against sexual predators. For the record, I am for sex education for children and adults. I think sex education should be taught in elementary school, high school, college, and to adults in their 50's and 60's. The education for the 50's and 60's is necessary in order to deal with the effects of menopause, erectile dysfunction from disease or condition, and anorgasmia. I just like the word anorgasmia, not the symptoms.

Monday, I attended Freedom Files showings of two ACLU produced movies on Women's Rights and Sex Education, respectively. I love the Sex Education movie. It chronicled two locales Brevard County Florida and Pittsburgh, PA. In both places, abstinence-only education was being taught. I love, facetiously, abstinence-only education. The age range to be addressed by abstinence-only is now ages twelve through twenty-nine. Since abstinence-only does not cover the safest sex of all, there would presumably be some really pent up twenty-nine year-olds. While I recognize that learning about sex in a committed relationship can be very fun, it cannot hurt to have some prior book learning. I had to go to class for driver's education so why not for sex education. According to the abstinence-only proponents, sex should only be in the heterosexual marriages. No sex for widows, widowers, homosexuals, divorced folks, and the avowed bachelors and bachelorettes. Oh well, let them eat cake. I for one feel that eating decadent desserts and/or chocolate is the next best thing if sex is 'off the table'. This is going off the rails. I will get back to my point.

If reading about or studying something in class created a desire and ability to execute a certain action then I would be a mathematician, mechanical and electrical engineer, Perl and C++ programmer, bisexual swinger, polyamorist superhero with a doctorate in Psycholinguistics and a specialization in computational linguistics. I am none of those things, although super powers would be cool. So, either I am a terrible student (possible) or the idea of reading about something makes people want to do it is totally false.

I like the Green Lantern. With his power ring and his mind, he could fly or conjure up anything that would help in fighting evil. On top of that, there was a whole club of Green Lanterns called the Green Lantern corps. The corps was comprised of women, men, bouncy ball life forms, white people, black people, green people, presumably not yellow people since Sinestro's ring has a yellow energy that adversely affects a Green Lantern. If you do not know what I am talking about as far as Sinestro, then you probably had dates in junior high and high school. Telekinesis would be cool particularly if I have extreme telekinesis that could manifest itself as teleportation. The down side would be that normal humans would get freaked out and then I would be an outcast and possibly burned at the stake. Sorry off the rails again.

Done.

Too Ann Arbor for my own good

Stacy says that we have to move out of Ann Arbor because I have become an Ann Arborite. Evidently, my hat and clothing combination make me look like one of the stereotypical eccentric Ann Arbor residents. Truth be told when I saw myself in a store window I too thought I looked very Ann Arbor. That being said, whenever I can express my eccentricity and uniqueness I will.

I love my hat and my vest. I noticed when I was in Whole Foods (another very Ann Arbor and/or privileged locale) that people smiled at me. I thought it was because I too was smiling but I have seen people smile the same way at old men who look happy to be allowed out of the house. I choose the 'glass half full' approach and believe that people were smiling at me because I was smiling and I was giving off positive. happy vibes.

Currently, I am having problems with the above paragraph. I am trying to figure out how to break it up for better reading. I hope my changes worked.

Tonight, we watched Countdown with Keith Olbermann and then Project Runway. I enjoyed Keith Olbermann (I am practicing being more upbeat so I will only talk about the things I enjoyed). Watching Tim Gunn and the judges and designers let me know really how much I do not care about how I look. My goal is that people know I showered and moisturized. I will never come to work naked but other than that I do not have enough energy to go to work and put on a fashion show because it does not come natural.

Speaking of naked, I had a thought today. Philosophically, I realize am very open-minded but pretty cautious or maybe a better word is reserved in my personal life or so I thought. For example, if one of my friends posed nude for a photograph and put it on their wall great, good for them. I find this completely different from going to a friend's house and then that friend walking around nude in front of me is not cool. It is even less cool if a friend walks around my place nude particularly since my couch is cloth upholstered.

She said, he said, she responded, he rebutted

The vice-presidential debate is tonight. I am not really going to watch intently. Here is why:

1) Good or bad, I know for whom I am going to vote. In national politics, I pretty much vote the party line. I am pretty liberal so many times I think even Democratic policies do not go far enough. That being said, the fact that the Democratic policies do not reach as far as I would like is probably a sign of good government.

2) I have a real problem watching contentious situations. I do not like arguing and people attacking each other. I am not saying that I am better because I am "above the fray". I am saying that I cannot deal with it. Conflict can be good and for those people who are still deciding it is important to hear from the candidates for both offices from each party.

3) Watching politics and politicians bores me because I do not feel that the current process really allows for honest discussion and give and take.

Honest moment: As I write, I am listening to the debate and it is not as contentious or as rote as I believed the debate might be.

I have returned from Atlanta. Atlanta makes me tired. I have been to Atlanta every year around this time since 2004 and I have still have not gone to the famous Atlanta Aquarium. In my defense, I did not even know about it until last year. I guess I was not paying attention. I thought I was going to go this time but we were really busy so I did not. Oh well.

Big House Big Heart - Post Mortem

I ran the Big House Big Heart 5K today. It did not go well. One, I had to stop and walk twice. Two, in August, I ran 2 miles, biked 12.4 miles, and then ran 3.1 miles (5K). My 5K time was a minute and a half faster than I ran today. I understand that I was hurt so I could not train and before that I was lazy so I did not train but still that was bad.

Good News: I know what I have to work on for the Spooky Duathlon on October 11.

Great News: I saw Liz and Jamie on Friday. We had dinner at Melange. It was great seeing them. Unfortunately, I chose a big price, small portion restaurant but it was tasty. I was really tired but I was buoyed by the four of us spending time together. As I have stated before I miss them but I could barely tell that Jamie had been in that skydiving accident :).

They forgot the greens!

Stacy went to Atlanta on Saturday, we left at 5:45 AM to go the airport (that is love). Then back home, showered, and off to Dearborn. Dearborn is nice if not odd. It has really nice houses, a neat looking downtown with quaint shops, but the streets suck.

Photo shoot of DHE went okay to well. I now know that my next area of improvement is posing people or groups of people. From there I went to Adray's, since it is Dearborn. I had a great deal of fun and spent a fair amount of money. Thank you to Lynette for the Adray's gift card (formal Thank you to come).

Rode 24 miles at an average speed of 15.7 mph. If I rode 18 miles my average speed would have been 16.2 mph. The last six miles were a bit challenging to say the least.

Side note: I love Woodchuck Amber cider. After the ride, I had some Whole Foods sushi and Amber Cider. It was a good day.

Decided to get brunch this morning so I went to Zingerman's Roadhouse and had a belgium waffle with bacon mixed in the batter (yes, in the batter) with scrambled eggs. Please see post in August about bacon.

Rode 24 miles again but hit the four corners of Ann Arbor for an easy ride except the rolling hills of Ann Arbor made it not so easy.

Ordered Zingerman's Roadhouse ribs with sweet potato fries and greens. Picked up the food. Got home and realized...no greens. I was bummed. I was trying to have a relatively balanced meal. Oh well. Drank another Amber cider with dinner, hmm hmm good.

If the worst thing that happens in your day is that a restaurant forgets the greens (greens with bacon) even if I really wanted the greens, it is a pretty good day.

I apologize for erratic punctuation but I am tired.

Black guy from trivia

Upon further review, the Black guy from trivia has changed his name to:

Jason Allen Pennyweather III.

Thanks for the input, Jamie.

Danger, danger

May 2006 to May 2008: Number of bike mishaps = 2

• Hit in face by tree branch riding to Washtenaw Rec. Center
• Hit in face by same tree branch riding to Washtenaw Rec. Center (different day)

May 2008 to present: Number of bike mishaps = 3

• Cut leg riding at Huron Metropark (shin and knee)
• Fell crossing train tracks at State and Industrial
  
• left hip was fine until I sat down and tried to get up, walking was a chore for the rest of the night
• still cannot lift leg as high as I used to, which was not high
• Scraped left ankle riding on 24 mile ride
  
• cut on high ankle (1 normal band-aid)
• cut/scrape on ankle bone (1 two by three inch bandage plus Meijer-sporin)

I went from 1 per year to about 1 per month.

Black guy from trivia siting

Thursday, September 18, 2008 at 8:52 PM saw the other Black guy from trivia. I have decided his name is Jason Allen Williams III. He did not have his baseball cap on.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008 at Brecon Grill in Saline. Saw Jason Allen Williams III. He had his baseball cap on.

9 AM

I think that whenever I have a 9 AM meeting doughnuts from Washtenaw Dairy should be provided at the meeting. I had a 9 AM meeting today and I just knew that Washtenaw Dairy doughnuts would be provided. Imagine my shock and great dismay when I arrived at the meeting and there were no doughnuts. It was not like I was late and missed the doughnuts there were no doughnuts to begin with. I think at the very least, it should be mentioned that doughnuts will not be provided so that we can make our own arrangements. That being said, the organizer of the meeting is one of my favorite work people, so I will let it slide.

For the record, I think that if you schedule a 9 AM meeting on a Monday you should provide a hot breakfast like pancakes or waffles with scrambled eggs and bacon. I do not think that will happen but it should.

It is 10:43 AM I have been at work for 1 hour and 47 minutes. I hope I am awake by 11 AM.

Side note: I still find myself being very emotive. Yesterday, I told someone that they cannot die during their surgery because they were one of my favorite work people.

If had eaten a doughnut, that would not have happened :).

Looking through a prizm

On Saturday, Stacy went out with some girlfriends for dinner and a movie. That meant I was home alone. Whoo! Party time. With a night of freedom ahead of me, I decided to do what any bachelor would do...I went to Meijer to print some photos. I loaded a bunch of photos on a flash drive and went on my way. Some of the photos I loaded were photos from the Museum of Sex (MoSex, cute huh?). This was a bad idea because when the photo kiosk accesses the flash drive it shows all the photos on the drive. So, I went back home and removed the MoSex photos and then headed back to Meijer. I loaded my pictures and placed my order.

Before I went to Meijer, I did more stereotypical bachelor stuff and went to Sally's Beauty Supply. Please don't hate on my exciting life. I decided to get some dinner from Panera and then headed back to Meijer. An important part of this story is that it rained all day Saturday. I went into Meijer picked up my photos, smiled at all the Meijer greeters whom I normally smiled at and left Meijer. I got to my car, reached into my pocket, and you guessed it, no keys. I went to my car and looked into my car (a Chevrolet Prizm) and on the passenger seat were my keys. (This is how I arrived at the name of this post.)

I called Stacy and she was not answering because she was with her friends in a crowded restaurant. I called Ann Arbor Police and they said that no longer open cars but they could call me a tow truck. I decided I could call my own tow truck, so I did. They said it would take 30 minutes to get to Meijer. I said okay and waited, patiently I might add, in the consumer wonderland that is Meijer. Well, they were late and then Stacy called. I explained the situation and she said she would come and pick me up since they were not going to the movies. I called the tow truck company and they were more than happy to cancel my tow truck request. They were a bit too eager if you ask me.

Anyway, instead of hanging up pictures in my study and eating dinner I waited in Meijer. Funny things, I bought reading material while at Meijer. Unfortunately, I bought the reading material during my first trip so my reading material along with my dinner and my keys, were...(wait for it) in my car.

40 Years of love

Today we went over to a couple of friends' house for brunch. The guy used to have Stacy's job and recommended her for the job when he knew he was vacating it. I am not sure but either he was diagnosed with cancer and left the job or was diagnosed shortly after leaving the job. Over the five years since we have been in Ann Arbor, we have become actual friends with this couple. When he is feeling healthy, we have them over or we go over to their place. Last week, they celebrated their fortieth wedding anniversary.

The news of their fortieth anniversary made me pay attention to the palpable love in the room. For at least the past two years, Stacy and I have had the conversation that this might be our last time to spend with them as couple but time after time, he fights back. He never complains in a 'why me' manner instead he regrets that he cannot get out more. His wife retired from nursing so that they can spend whatever days, months, or years they have left together. Whenever, we get together we laugh and we talk. The subject of cancer is omnipresent so it is never ignored or skirted but it does not dominate conversation. In addition to his health and their battle with cancer, we discuss politics, careers, and life, in general.

Being around them it is quite apparent that they are still attracted to each other and do whatever they can to keep their romantic life alive. They are not all over each other, but it is something that you can feel by being in their presence. It really is quite beautiful and really hard to convey through words. I like that the wife talks about her anger about the fact that their lives were altered without their permission. She acknowledges it but never dwells on it and always finds something to laugh about. I think that the laughter and honesty is what keeps both of them alive and I truly feel blessed for having shared in it.

Short post

I was listening to Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy". Just singing along practically doing the Peanuts dance and I thought... I think I am happy. The song reminded me of Jamie and Liz. I rode my bike to work and had a fun lunch. In a few minutes I am going out for Indian food.

Yep, I think I am happy today.

Not bad for a Friday.

Updates on me

I am back to writing on this blog. Many things have happened since I last wrote.

1) I did a duathlon by myself. I was seventh in sex-age group (there were only seven of us but whatever). I ran 2 miles, biked 12.4 miles, and then ran 3.1 miles in 1 hour and 40 minutes. My pit crew/street team accompanied me. Jamie, Liz, and Stacy shared the hotel room with me the night before and then I got everyone up around 5:30 AM (I try not to see 5:30 AM more than twice a year), so that is love. Thanks. I was going to write about the duathlon a day or two after I did it but I was so sore that I could not.

As crazy as this sounds, I am going to try to do one in October. The duathlon is the weekend before my wedding anniversary and nothing says romance like a duathlon. Yeah, Stacy does not buy that either.

2) Jamie and Liz moved from one 'M' state (Michigan) to another 'M' state (Maryland). This is the second time my workout partner and his significant other have moved to another 'M' state. The first time it happened, Carrick and Camilla, moved to Massachusetts and then to Mississippi. For the record, this sucks. I wish everyone well and people must mature and move on and get real jobs but still it sucks. I guess I will drown my sorrows in Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake (found at the dessert/deli counter at Busch's). I highly recommend it. :)

It takes a while for me to get people to get accustomed to the David Thomas experience. (Remember blogging is all about overestimating one's own self-importance). Liz and Jamie had learned to accept it and now they are gone. On the plus side, they have started a blog about their odyssey.

Notes

Cool thing about being in your thirties: You are young enough to do it but old enough to know better.

Write a book about taboo topics and some people will buy it just to say they bought it. ('Some people' equals me.)

Facebook is crazy. I think I am going to join the anal sex haiku fan club so that my fan pages are:

Planned parenthood
Murder She Wrote
Nformation Design
Buff1
The Roots
Anal sex haiku

Instead I think I will join the Law & Order fan club.

Breaking news: There are many anal sex fan clubs on Facebook but no anal sex haiku clubs. Go figure.

Commentary--I need people to tell me not to do something before I do it or look it up on the web.

Blogging about blogging

Blogging is like having your diary on the web for everyone to see. Lord knows why anyone would want to do that but it seems that many people do, present company included. For me at least, I either write exactly what I want to write about or I take time off and figure out how to rephrase and paraphrase what I am thinking. Anyone who has spent any time with me knows that I would much rather say what I am thinking or not say anything at all.

So.....

It is almost 1:30 AM on Tuesday. My brother and his wife just had a daughter and used my late mother's first name as the child's middle name. That was pretty cool. I hear my dad shed a tear or two at the news. If I cried over such things, I might have as well. Mom would have liked that. I frequently reflect on Ma Thomas and her quirky ways. She was born prematurely and was sickly as child and into adulthood so at various times during her life a great deal of her knowledge about the world came from reading and watching television. She always had an opinion about something based on the information she gathered from whatever source. I learned from her to try to make the best judgments and decisions based on the information you have. Sometimes, I take that a little too far but it has served me well. She was an artist, a Girl Scout troop leader and regional director (I love Girl Scout cookies), a social worker in the school system, and then a teacher.

She was funny. One funny story about her involves me when I was baby. The story goes like this:
She takes me in for one of the standard baby check-ups. The doctor remarks probably just off hand that my skin is a little dry. To my understanding, she did not challenge the doctor but she did note it. From then on, she made sure to keep me moisturized from head to toe. When time came for the next doctor's visit she took special care to moisturize me. When the doctor went to pick me up I almost slipped out of the doctor's hands because mom had covered me in Vaseline.

Eccentricity runs in the family.

I want to like independent films, but....

Goodness, I want to be the person that is all about the independent film and if I had the money I would go to Sundance or Cannes, but I am not. I just checked out this highly acclaimed movie called "9 Songs". Ebert & Roeper gave it '2 thumbs up' and the New York Times called it 'one of the best movies of the year'. Maybe if I liked the bands that make up the soundtrack I would like it more. That said, it was better than watching 'Romance' or 'Anatomy of Hell' by Catharine Breillat. Maybe if I spoke French, I would get it or maybe if I had more angst (oh woe to my middle class, at least socially, upbringing). For the record, I would not give up my upbringing to understand independent films. That is just stupid. There is a reason why privilege is envied.

These are by far not the only films I did not get. Not to dwell on the negative, the films I did like were 'The Dildo Diaries' a documentary about the Texas Legislature and the state sodomy laws. Check it out. It has a provocative name but is really cool. For those who know me, I am going to buy it so feel free to borrow it. Molly Ivins has some wonderful statements in this movie.

Rest in Peace, Molly Ivins (1944-2007).
In Loving Memory of Molly Ivins
Molly Ivins Tribute

Mom meet Molly. Molly meet Mom.

Another film I liked was 'Short Bus' although 'Dildo Diaries' is still my favorite. 'Passion and power : the technology of orgasm' is another good one. It covers the same topics as 'Dildo Diaries'.

Based on this post, unless it involves sex toy legislation or drag queens I guess I should stick with superhero movies. I will watch almost any superhero movie, even if I know it is bad. Case in point, I watched the first 'Hulk' with Eric Bana, 'The Phantom' numerous times, and even 'The Shadow' with Alec Baldwin. Unlike the independent films, take my word for it and do not watch the films I just mentioned.

Speaking of restaurants (Shout out to Jamie and Liz!). Go to the Chop House on Main Street for your birthday. Have the crab and lobster cakes or splurge and have the Kobe steak. The life of cattle chosen to be Kobe steak is short but sweet. Think sake, hammocks, and massages. Then they kill you.

Two posts within 24 hours a new record.

Bacon, Bacon, Bacon

A little under 18 hours until I ride 39 miles on my sweet new bike.

This morning I 'ran' 1.5 miles before work. Running in the morning is great, it sets up your day and you feel energized. The downside is that you feel like you really accomplished something so why go to work. Basically, I peaked too early and knew that the day would not get any better.

Fortunately for me the day did get better or at least did not get worse. I had some good conversations, completed some quality reviews, and I attended an ACLU board meeting. I even had bacon and eggs (yes eggs) on my breakfast bagel. Go bacon!

Yesterday, I forwent a bacon tasting so that I could workout. I know at this point you are saying how can I claim to love bacon and yet give up a golden opportunity. As I write, I sigh as I think about the divine qualities of bacon, particularly slab bacon.

NOTE: The following should be sung to the tune of O'Tannenbaum.

Oh bacon bacon
Oh bacon bacon
How delicious is your flavor.

I already paid to workout and the bacon tasting was $25. I can buy a lot of bacon for $25, even gourmet bacon.

My first Giant

Well, Friday I bought my first real road bike. It has a triple crankset, Shimano 105 components, and Look KeO clipless pedals. Wow, the difference between this bike and my Trek 7.2FX is amazing. This bike is light as a feather and just by changing bikes I increased my average cruising speed by about 1.5 mph. Friday I rode about 6 miles just to get a feel for the bike with the new shoes. Saturday, I rode about 13 miles. I rode on a pretty straight stretch that had inclines and declines and even riding back into a pretty strong headwind I average about 14.7 mph. Sunday, I did a 25-mile charity ride for the local ecology center. It was great. I averaged 14.4 mph. Just for reference, in early May, I averaged around 15 mph on my Trek 7.2FX and that was a duathlon relay so I was going all out. We came in second out of five teams, so I was pretty happy with that effort. Hell, I still am and probably will be for a very long time.

In two weeks, I am going to do a 30 mile ride. I think I am in love. Cycling gives me the same feeling I used to get when I was a sprinter in high school. Pretty much it is just me and the clock. It may sound strange but it reminds me of meditation. Another great part of cycling is that when I am riding I calm my thoughts and I think of my mother and that makes me very happy. I remember her cheering for me from the stands when I ran track or when I "played" baseball which consisted of me standing out in right field hitting dandelions with my baseball glove. I know that when I do my duathlon in September mom will be cheering me on from the 'stands'.