I used to be the office cheerleader. I would get upset about failure and lack of follow through mine more than that of others but I never really gave up. However, recently I have noticed it is harder and harder to believe. I never thought myself a person who really needs to believe that much. To a certain degree, I enjoy the middle ground and the gray area but sometimes it is not middle ground just unadulterated craziness.
Today was a hard day but it really should not have been a hard day. Nothing out of the ordinary really happened except I realized that I let my personal feelings get in the way of progress. I knew what I was doing on some level but all I could hold on to was my displeasure with how things were progressing. I knew there was something wrong but I could not get my voice heard so much like a petulant child I acted out. How very sad it is when a grown man acts out. That being said, I am becoming increasingly disillusioned with my current life situation. For clarification, I am not talking about my personal life. I see instances where a simple conversation could solve an issue and instead a mountain is made out of a mole hill. I see people being manipulated not for some greater good or even a lesser personal glory but just because someone does not want to deal with certain issues. I find it hard to deal with because I see great potential in what we do and what we are. I just need to figure out a way to get past my own issues and help lead the way.
I apologize that is not my best work but at least it is honest.
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