Mall trauma drama

I went to Sears to look at 3-season jackets. I have a Winter dress coat and a Winter parka but I do not have a jacket that works for Fall and Spring. I looked at the REI and the Land's End sites and decided that I wanted to try on some jackets. I went to Sears, in the mall, because they sell Land's End clothing in the store. I looked at a few things and then I decided for going to the mall I should reward myself by getting a pretzel from Auntie Anne's. This is where the trouble starts.

When I go into the mall the 'please separate me from my money' sign starts flashing on my forehead and chest. It is bright and blinks so that the kiosk people can make adequate preparations for my arrival. So, I pass by the Deep Sea Minerals kiosk. I know the Deep Sea Minerals products well they products come directly from the Dead Sea and possess the famed beneficial effects of the Dead Sea. My last two dealings with them ended with me feeling bad about not buying their product one time and leaving with their product another time.

As always they ask "Excuse me sir do you have a moment?". I almost never in a hurry and I always have a proverbial minute, so here we go. Remember, I have had prior dealings with Deep Sea Minerals.

Kiosker: Hello sir, how are you today?

Me: Oh, I am well. How are you?

Kiosker: I am fine. Thank you for asking. Are you married?

Me: Yes, I am.

Kiosker: Please give me your hand. I want to show you something.

Me: Okay.

Kiosker: (Buffs my thumbnail and oils my thumb cuticle). Sir, see how shiny your nail is. This is without polish. See? Isn't that great?

Me: Yes, it is great. (Waiting for the sell).

Kiosker: Well, you can get all of this plus the oil for $39.99 and if you buy two you get the third for free. What do you think? It would make a great Christmas present for you wife.

Me: Well, I think I will pass.
[What I should have said is the following:

No, it would not make a great Christmas present for my wife. My wife hates it when I spend our hard earned money on mall kiosk sh*t. In fact, buying mall kiosk sh*t is the reason why I was not allowed to go the mall by myself for two months (this was self-imposed).]

Kiosker: Well, let me tell you what I will do. I had a woman buy two but she did not want her third so I can give you one for half off (It may have been a third off whatever.)

Every time you say 'no' there is always someone who did not want the third.

1. If someone really spent the money to buy two why would they not take the free one.
2. It is free why would I pay for the free one?

Me: No, thank you. (I leave.)

Deep Sea Minerals 1, David 2--Victory is mine! Go, David!

I continued on to Auntie Anne's and rewarded myself with a pretzel and medium lemonade to celebrate my victory over the forces that wish to separate me from my money.