Bad, bad hair

I was on a mission to find shredded carrots at Meijer. I first went to Whole Foods and they had no shredded carrots. They had whole carrots, baby carrots, and whole skinned carrots. Of course, they had organic and non-organic of all of these carrot incarnations but no shredded carrots. I did find and buy more lip balm. I have a problem. I will now list my current lip balm holdings:

Chapstick Lip Butter (five butters to be exact) [2-4]--I have a special ability to lose these and then find them a month later, so the actual number is not known.
Desert Essence Lip Rescue Shea Butter [2 (1 at the office)]
Badger Creamy Cocoa Cocoa Butter Lip Balm [1]
ICPSR Lip Balm (free) [2]
Burt's Bees Lifeguard's Choice Waterproofing Lip Balm[2 (1 in each bike bag)]
Kiss My Face Sport Lip Balm (SPF 30) [1]
Lizard Lips Original (SPF 15) [1]
Another SPF 15 balm whereabouts in the house unknown [1]

Total (at a minimum): 12, yes twelve

Back to the carrots.

Having not found shredded carrots at Whole Foods, I went to Meijer. I do not know what the markets have against shredded carrots, but the only shredded carrots I could find were packaged with broccoli or with shredded cabbage. I bought those. We needed detergent so I went to the back of the store to the detergent aisle. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am easily distracted and I love grocery shopping. While walking down the main back aisle I looked down every aisle. Big mistake. I was walking minding my own business when I look to my right and I see the hairiest backside I have ever seen. I will be haunted by the sight of butt crack and hair just taking up the whole aisle, an exaggeration. It is one thing if someone is kneeling down or bending over but this guy was standing up.

1. Pull up your pants.
2. If your butt is that hairy, going commando (I am assuming) should be illegal. I know we should not have laws that single out one particular population but this is for the greater good. We should think of the children and those with vivid imagery.
   

After this, I went to check-out. I passed a couple at the self check-out lane. The male of the couple had quite possibly the worst and most-obvious hairpiece one could have. Bald is beautiful, bad hairpieces are pathetic. If you have a funny shaped head, get a cool hat or good hair.

Just say no to bad hairpieces, With your help, we can stop the spread of bad hair. While we are at it, we should get rid of the transvestite/transsexual wig. You know what I am talking about.

One final thought: I think the term 'gender reassignment' is incorrect. One does not need surgery to change gender. It should be 'sex reassignment'. Why are we so afraid of the word 'sex'. Why do academics participate in this linguistic travesty?